Chivalry: an archaic notion

A feminist friend once said, “Chivalry is an archaic notion. You can’t ask to be treated as equals but expect chivalrous behaviour.”

I, like most women today, fondly think of chivalry as sweet little romantic gestures that make us feel like we’re thoughtfully taken care of like having a door held open, offering to drive or carrying our heavy bags.

Traditionally, chivalry was a man’s show of respect for the weaker sex by showing that he can physically take care of her. This could range from pulling out a lady’s chair to fighting for her honour. In return, women paid back the chivalry by lovingly cooking a meal for him and keeping the house clean.

When women realised that they could do more than just what society dictated their gender roles to be, feminism was born. The very core of feminism is based on the ideology that gender roles constructed by society are sexist and unjust and should be done away with, allowing women to have the same rights as men and for both genders to be treated equally.

By definition, feminism and chivalry are on the opposite ends of a coin. You can’t ask for chivalrous behaviour when you believe that women should be treated exactly like men. Chivalry treats women better than men.

Every woman balances her views of chivalry and feminism on different scales:

• There’s the extreme feminist who believes that she can pay her own way and open her doors. Any chivalrous offer is often seen as an insult to her capabilities.
• Little Miss Princess, on the other hand, is used to being treated like a porcelain doll. She expects all the chivalry that’s on offer.
• And then there are the nonchalant girls who believe that chivalry does not have to be sacrificed for gender equality. They welcome and appreciate chivalrous gestures while at the same time demanding equal treatment. These women generally demand equality (and chivalry) when it’s convenient for them.

I am one of the nonchalant girls. It makes me weak at the knees to have a chivalrous man around to stop and help me change my tyre if they see me struggling to do it. I will think less of him if he refuses to help when I’ve asked for it. At the same time, I value having the option to climb all the way up the corporate ladder and challenge the old boys. A classic example of a woman who wants it all at her convenience: the kind man to help with manual labour and the opportunity to kick ass in a high powered work environment.  

Chivalry isn’t a natural behaviour for all men. It’s learned from parents, culture and environment. Some cultures teach chivalry to little boys which then become second nature to them. In other cultures chivalry as we know it doesn’t exist which doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t honour women. Even if all men learn chivalry, it is up to each man to be as chivalrous as he chooses and up to each woman to determine the level of chivalry she chooses to appreciate.

Ultimately, men and women were created differently - physically and psychological - with different needs. While I understand that gender roles were historically unfairly dictated by societal traditions, there are certain biological roles that are better suited based on these differences. Chivalry doesn’t have to contradict gender equality. Perhaps we need to introduce some equality within chivalry. If chivalry is just good manners then it shouldn’t be one sided. If you expect a man to pull out your chair, then you need to also be prepared to show some thoughtfulness to him in whatever way you chose. If women aren’t prepared to embrace that idea, then perhaps chivalry is an outdated practice that doesn’t have a place in today’s world.

Miss DSTV South Africa

Ever since I can remember, I loved watching the beauty pageants on TV. As a little girl, I dreamt of sashaying across the stage in a designer evening gown, wiping away my tears of joy after being crowned Miss South Africa. I wanted to be that beautiful ambassador who made a difference in the country.

Needless to say, I didn’t grow up to be a Miss South Africa contender but I do still like watching the magic of beauty pageants. I only discovered a few days before the pageant that I didn’t have the option to watch the show anymore.  SABC, South Africa’s publicly available television broadcaster, has lost the rights to broadcast the Miss South Africa pageant to the paid for DSTV channel, Mzansi Magic.

I haven’t heard of any outrage but I am not particularly happy about this. Until this year, Miss South Africa has been broadcasted on SABC which meant that every South African with a television set and decent broadcasting signal watched the declaration of the country’s most beautiful women. This didn’t include everyone as only about 50% of South African households had television sets until the turn of the century, but it still provided half of the nation with the opportunity to view the pageant. We watched as the first non-white women were crowned in 1992 and 1993, preparing the land for the birth of a rainbow nation in 1994. We watched as the women served their reign and inspired us with their much needed charity work. We watched as they participated in the Miss World and Miss Universe pageants and rooted for them.

With the introduction of DSTV, South Africa’s luxury television network, people have come to compare DSTV viewing to SABC. SABC television is far behind the entertainment provided by DSTV however SABC still provides viewing to the majority of South Africans.

Using the poor quality delivery of SABC, Mzansi Magic jumped on the bandwagon and was handed exclusive rights to air the Miss South Africa pageant. But who exactly will be watching the show? South Africa?

The demographics of those with possible access to DSTV would comprise of only the middle and upper class South Africans. That is less than 40% of the country. At last count 2.6 million people subscribed to DSTV which I would then estimate total viewership of 8 million. That’s 16% of South Africans. DSTV is a luxury commodity aimed at those who are willing to pay a premium to view better quality TV.

And for those who think that DSTV is affordable let me break it down for you. DSTV has thoughtfully put together a number of different packages to suit people’s needs and budgets. The cheapest package with Mzansi Magic included is DSTV Select for a mere R157 a month. Oh it’s more than just the monthly subscription fee; there is also the cost of a decoder, a satellite dish and, I imagine, a nice TV to view the clear digital images on to consider. As affordable as DSTV may seem, to 47% of the population who cannot afford R322 a month, it is not.

With the organisers moving Miss South Africa further away from the majority, a significant portion of the population will no longer be aware of the pageant and contestants entering won’t be from all corners of South Africa. We’ll never know if the queen crowned is indeed the fairest of the land. And with the blatant exclusion of 80% of South Africans from even watching the show, can we really title her with Miss “South Africa”.