Chivalry: an archaic notion

A feminist friend once said, “Chivalry is an archaic notion. You can’t ask to be treated as equals but expect chivalrous behaviour.”

I, like most women today, fondly think of chivalry as sweet little romantic gestures that make us feel like we’re thoughtfully taken care of like having a door held open, offering to drive or carrying our heavy bags.

Traditionally, chivalry was a man’s show of respect for the weaker sex by showing that he can physically take care of her. This could range from pulling out a lady’s chair to fighting for her honour. In return, women paid back the chivalry by lovingly cooking a meal for him and keeping the house clean.

When women realised that they could do more than just what society dictated their gender roles to be, feminism was born. The very core of feminism is based on the ideology that gender roles constructed by society are sexist and unjust and should be done away with, allowing women to have the same rights as men and for both genders to be treated equally.

By definition, feminism and chivalry are on the opposite ends of a coin. You can’t ask for chivalrous behaviour when you believe that women should be treated exactly like men. Chivalry treats women better than men.

Every woman balances her views of chivalry and feminism on different scales:

• There’s the extreme feminist who believes that she can pay her own way and open her doors. Any chivalrous offer is often seen as an insult to her capabilities.
• Little Miss Princess, on the other hand, is used to being treated like a porcelain doll. She expects all the chivalry that’s on offer.
• And then there are the nonchalant girls who believe that chivalry does not have to be sacrificed for gender equality. They welcome and appreciate chivalrous gestures while at the same time demanding equal treatment. These women generally demand equality (and chivalry) when it’s convenient for them.

I am one of the nonchalant girls. It makes me weak at the knees to have a chivalrous man around to stop and help me change my tyre if they see me struggling to do it. I will think less of him if he refuses to help when I’ve asked for it. At the same time, I value having the option to climb all the way up the corporate ladder and challenge the old boys. A classic example of a woman who wants it all at her convenience: the kind man to help with manual labour and the opportunity to kick ass in a high powered work environment.  

Chivalry isn’t a natural behaviour for all men. It’s learned from parents, culture and environment. Some cultures teach chivalry to little boys which then become second nature to them. In other cultures chivalry as we know it doesn’t exist which doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t honour women. Even if all men learn chivalry, it is up to each man to be as chivalrous as he chooses and up to each woman to determine the level of chivalry she chooses to appreciate.

Ultimately, men and women were created differently - physically and psychological - with different needs. While I understand that gender roles were historically unfairly dictated by societal traditions, there are certain biological roles that are better suited based on these differences. Chivalry doesn’t have to contradict gender equality. Perhaps we need to introduce some equality within chivalry. If chivalry is just good manners then it shouldn’t be one sided. If you expect a man to pull out your chair, then you need to also be prepared to show some thoughtfulness to him in whatever way you chose. If women aren’t prepared to embrace that idea, then perhaps chivalry is an outdated practice that doesn’t have a place in today’s world.

Miss DSTV South Africa

Ever since I can remember, I loved watching the beauty pageants on TV. As a little girl, I dreamt of sashaying across the stage in a designer evening gown, wiping away my tears of joy after being crowned Miss South Africa. I wanted to be that beautiful ambassador who made a difference in the country.

Needless to say, I didn’t grow up to be a Miss South Africa contender but I do still like watching the magic of beauty pageants. I only discovered a few days before the pageant that I didn’t have the option to watch the show anymore.  SABC, South Africa’s publicly available television broadcaster, has lost the rights to broadcast the Miss South Africa pageant to the paid for DSTV channel, Mzansi Magic.

I haven’t heard of any outrage but I am not particularly happy about this. Until this year, Miss South Africa has been broadcasted on SABC which meant that every South African with a television set and decent broadcasting signal watched the declaration of the country’s most beautiful women. This didn’t include everyone as only about 50% of South African households had television sets until the turn of the century, but it still provided half of the nation with the opportunity to view the pageant. We watched as the first non-white women were crowned in 1992 and 1993, preparing the land for the birth of a rainbow nation in 1994. We watched as the women served their reign and inspired us with their much needed charity work. We watched as they participated in the Miss World and Miss Universe pageants and rooted for them.

With the introduction of DSTV, South Africa’s luxury television network, people have come to compare DSTV viewing to SABC. SABC television is far behind the entertainment provided by DSTV however SABC still provides viewing to the majority of South Africans.

Using the poor quality delivery of SABC, Mzansi Magic jumped on the bandwagon and was handed exclusive rights to air the Miss South Africa pageant. But who exactly will be watching the show? South Africa?

The demographics of those with possible access to DSTV would comprise of only the middle and upper class South Africans. That is less than 40% of the country. At last count 2.6 million people subscribed to DSTV which I would then estimate total viewership of 8 million. That’s 16% of South Africans. DSTV is a luxury commodity aimed at those who are willing to pay a premium to view better quality TV.

And for those who think that DSTV is affordable let me break it down for you. DSTV has thoughtfully put together a number of different packages to suit people’s needs and budgets. The cheapest package with Mzansi Magic included is DSTV Select for a mere R157 a month. Oh it’s more than just the monthly subscription fee; there is also the cost of a decoder, a satellite dish and, I imagine, a nice TV to view the clear digital images on to consider. As affordable as DSTV may seem, to 47% of the population who cannot afford R322 a month, it is not.

With the organisers moving Miss South Africa further away from the majority, a significant portion of the population will no longer be aware of the pageant and contestants entering won’t be from all corners of South Africa. We’ll never know if the queen crowned is indeed the fairest of the land. And with the blatant exclusion of 80% of South Africans from even watching the show, can we really title her with Miss “South Africa”.

Look like you give a damn

 

I get it. Nivea’s trying to promote products that encourage male personal hygiene: clean shaven, neat haircut and a well groomed face. An effective ad to say that men no longer have that caveman look of wild hair or long unsightly beards; they look like they give a damn now.

Nivea released two “look like you give a damn” ads – one featuring a white man and another featuring a black man. Nivea intended on using these ads to target certain individuals to use their products. They want men to buy into their products and using models of different races allows guys of those racial groups to relate to the advert and thus be more willing to purchase their products.

Upon the release of this ad there was an uproar on Twitter and other social network platforms about the apparent racism in the ad targeted at the black man. The ad pictures a clean cut well dressed black male holding a mask of a black head with an afro and a beard - caveman style, standing in a position to throw away the mask. The tag line? Re-civilise yourself. When juxtaposed against the ad targeted at white people, there seems to be racist slant to the black ad, and this is purely based on the wording chosen for each. The Caucasian ad’s tag line, “Sin City isn’t an excuse to look like hell,” doesn’t quite have the racially slurred impact that “re-civilise yourself” has.

The definition of civilise is to rise from a barbaric to a civilised state. There are deeply rooted connotations with this word which stems from the view that black people are from the jungle and inherently uncivilised in comparison to their European counterparts.

I suppose Nivea could have gone further to include people of various ethnicities in the “re-civilise yourself” campaign. How about the mask of an Arab man with a beard, a woman in a burqa or an Indian man wearing a turban? Would we say then say that the majority of the Indian and Middle Eastern world is uncivilised? If you’re schooled in the Western ideals of the perception of civilisation, you’d probably view them as untidy and definitely not the kind of people you’d think the best revenue generating strategy would come from in a boardroom.

Civilisation isn’t necessarily the individuals that advanced first in the world but rather those who were able to conquer the world and impose their beliefs on the inhabitants. Historically, it was white colonialists calling the shots. With the end of slavery and apartheid, the black people that were favoured for jobs were the ones who looked more white. Straighter hair and lighter skin worked to their advantage and hence black people embraced this artificial look over the years. Skin bleaching and hair relaxing was popular even during the era of African slavery. In the pursuit of trying to fit in, black people inadvertently instilled a self-hate for their own appearance. So it’s out with the afro in the Nivea ad and out with the beard because that is not the civilised look of the 21^st century.

The meaning, to rise from a barbaric to a civilised state, would have one believe that anyone able to fit into civil society is deemed civilised. So criminals would examples of individuals considered barbaric – uncivilised – as they don’t fit into today’s civil society.

The make-up of today’s civil society is largely of Western influence and as a result, if you don’t fit in, you aren’t civilised. It’s no wonder that black people themselves want the white look. In fact, the ad was a brainchild of a black male. He created an image of a black man that would appeal to the target audience. The media constantly portrays black people in a way that makes it seem that they need to be more “white” to fit in.

What started out with black people disowning their natural physical features to be at an advantage to play in the Western world has now turned into people wanting the Western look for no reason other than they’ve been brainwashed into thinking that it looks good. With role models like Beyonce, women of colour chose to wear weaves instead of embracing their natural hair. People donning afros, braids, dreadlocks are portrayed in the media as unprofessional and unclean – not as successful people. The more Western (read white) you look, the more “civilised” you are.

Skin lightening is a dangerous craze all because lighter skin is seen as more beautiful. Sorisha Naidoo is a successful business woman, seemingly at the top of her game with everything she could ever want. She publicly lightens her skin and promotes that others do the same. Yes, black people do it to themselves. They want to look more white.

Take out the word “re-civilise” and products promoting a more Western look for black people will be scooped up off the shelves. The sub-conscious hatred of one’s natural looks and origins need to stop. And the only way it can is for the media to relook at their black target marketing.

Give us a dark skinned woman to play leading black roles in movies. Give us a high powered public figure in dreadlocks. Give us a magazine who won’t photoshop lighter complexions on our black models.

In Capitalist America, the country that dictates the behaviour of civil society, money talks. Realistically, James Cameron is not going to cast a dark skinned woman to be the female lead in his next movie. Box office ratings will struggle because black people themselves don’t want to see that. They are conditioned to believing light skin is beautiful.

Black CEO’s and members of parliament won’t grow an afro because they won’t be taken seriously in global markets.

Until money stops becoming the driving force in the world and governments care about their people more, the little black kids of tomorrow will grow up with an inferiority complex on the appearance they were born with. They will continue the trend of looking like they give a damn...trying so hard to fit into the Western mould.

Is Nivea racist? I don’t believe so. Surely though, Nivea needs to know that we are not happy with the literal message they send out, but more importantly we need them to understand that it’s deeper than just the ad. Should we boycott their products? Should we also boycott every other unequal type of image we see in the media today?

An inconvenience to life

Picture this: you’re sipping a cocktail at a restaurant on Camps Bay catching up with a few friends over lunch. It’s a Tuesday and this is the perfect opportunity to give your tired feet a rest from this morning’s shopping. To end this beautiful summer’s day, you have rock climbing lined up for the afternoon.

Source

Now imagine that this life of leisure is yours. Every day, no stress about working in a job you don’t like. You have enough money to live comfortably. You have enough time to live life the way you want to. You have enough energy to explore what you’re passionate about. Just imagine…

Whoever said we have to work anyway? I don’t know how it all started but right now the average person works 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. Let’s quantify that a bit further. The average person works a nine-to-five. When you factor in time for traffic and preparing to get to work, it’s actually about a seven-to-six working day. That’s 11 hours a day!

The reward? 13 hours a day to squeeze in a decent amount of sleep as well as that life you yearn to live. Let’s not forget a whole 2 days of a weekend to recharge your batteries so you can get back to 11 hours on the grind for the next 5 days. It is torture that feels like a prison sentence.

Work is such an inconvenience to life. The sad reality however, is we have to work in order to be able to afford rent in a decent suburb, a roadworthy car and to live the lifestyle we’ve become accustomed to. I think we all want to be in a position where our salaries afford us the comfort of being able to have what we want, when we want it. But who said we need to give up the best part of our lives in order to achieve this? Is it just because that’s the way it’s always been done? There’s no other way to do it. Is there really no other way to do it?

Well what if there is? What if there is a person who could do your job for you, yet you get to take home the pay? That way the economy could still run like clockwork but you wouldn’t be busting your chops to make it work. The problem is finding resources who wouldn’t mind working so hard for nothing. I think we might just have those resources within our reach…

The government spends a lot of money on detention and rehabilitation facilities. Prisoners of all sorts of crimes are housed, fed and clothed. Some don’t even see the inside of prison wards because our jails are too full. The detained ones wile away their time doing whatever they can – some read, study or just do absolutely nothing. Essentially we take criminals off the street to make our world a safer place. Then we securely provide these prisoners with the necessities and let them live stress-free. The civilians out on the safer streets though, need to struggle everyday just to make ends meet. It sounds like we’re rewarding thieves and murderers and sentencing the law-abiding citizens to a working life of torture.

Well, what if the corporate world could leverage of the prisoners? Take the prisoners and put them in our jobs? Government already provides for them so corporates wouldn’t incur any additional costs. Transport these “resources” to the office every morning, force them to work for their crimes and send them back to jail in the evenings. At least we’re making up productive time for the good of the country.

Of course, the required skills to perform certain task will be an issue but most job functions don’t involve skills that can’t be easily taught. As it stands, companies put aside budgets to up-skill staff therefore they can easily afford to train prisoners. We are dealing with individuals that don’t care much for following rules but there are many ways to ensure performance – the exact same way prisoners are rewarded or reprimanded in prison. Good behaviour in jail gets time off their sentence just like good work performed leads to a similar time off from their sentences. Bad behaviour in jail yields certain punishments just like non-performance leads to the same prison punishments.

The corporate world will definitely need to tighten their security but that additional expense will come off budgets currently utilised for team buildings and socials that will no longer be necessary.

Companies can still meet their revenue targets without paying for labour so why not distribute the salaries to the good citizens? It can even be a government initiative to reward ordinary people with time and money to enjoy life.

Work will no longer just be an inconvenience to life and a necessary evil required in our capitalist society. It will be a mechanism to sentence prisoners while still adding to companies’ bottom lines which enable them to assist in raising the quality of life for all law abiding citizens. The shopping, Camps Bay lunch and a recreational afternoon on a work day don’t seem too far-fetched of an idea now, does it?

A lesson in politics

“You’re not voting? But you’re so opinionated about everything; why are you not voting? Well you do know that you can never complain about anything ever again, right? This is your chance to complain by voting.”

I tend to not get involved in politics. Mostly because I am highly opinionated and believe that our politicians are a bunch of idiots that don’t actually do much. It’s our constitutional right to choose to exercise a say in the running of the country. Lately my decision to remain neutral has come under scrutiny. Now in order to defend my decision, I had to learn a little bit about politics.

The local government election is where you vote for an individual to run your ward. So every individual (one from each political party) steps up and professes what he or she promises to do if elected. Seems simple enough doesn’t it? Wrong!

Apparently it’s not just about the person with the best promises winning your vote. You gotta also strategically align your vote to your party of preference. Don’t forgot that you need to vote on racial lines so if there’s only one councillor that is the same race as you then you’re sorted and you know who to vote for.

Now there are quite a few parties out there and you may be wondering who to vote for. According to the riveting 3^rd Degree show last night, I’ve discovered the following parties that exist:

ANC:      They come around every election time and build something in the impoverished areas. They do a substandard job and leave them worse off than before after they’ve gotten the much needed votes.

COPE:    This party formed itself two years ago and ever since has been slowly crumbling. Maybe that’s why they haven’t done anything for the community yet.

DA:         In light of the proposed Protection of Personal Information Act, they send out unsolicited SMSes to sway votes. When faced with mass anger about a breach of privacy, the head of the party becomes a nasty menopausal woman. Luckily, there’s Lindiwe Mazibuko, a woman still in her prime without the raging hormones. She’s an excellent speaker that redeems the party.

FF+:       I don’t remember anything about this party so clearly they don’t do much – not even talk when they have the airtime to do so.

IFP:        You only hear about them during election time and they’re in the news linked to outbreaks of violence between their supporters and the supporters of other parties.

I also did a bit of research into the candidates for my suburb, Sandown, which falls under ward 91. Now I don’t believe the candidates do much to sell themselves since I had to go searching for them. I only found one website that would list them – a community website called LookLocal:

• Andrew Stewart is a DA candidate and he says he’s been working with the police to enforce by-laws. His aim: to continue doing just that. I wonder how much the DA pays him to visit the police station once a year, tell a reporter about his avid interest in “by-laws” and then have no ambition in trying to do anything else. I’m pretty certain this is just a well paying job for him. Surely civil servants need to have a calling to selflessly serve the community?
• Hilda Masoma is an ANC candidate and her promise is to create sustainable jobs. Finally, someone who understands Sandown’s problems! Sandown is essentially Sandton Central and there are loads of uncouth people at every robot begging, selling or just intruding in your personal space. We all hate the fact that they are there. It’s unsafe and it’s annoying for us. For the people at the robot, it’s their unfortunate way of life. So big up to Hilda for wanting to create jobs for these people! So let’s see how she aims to do this. Well, Hilda thinks that we should hire people to clean our parks and toilets. :-/ Seriously!? That’s how she intends on solving the problems? Sandton Central has pretty good maintenance so how many jobs will she create to clean the forgotten toilets of ward 91? And who’s going pay them? Hilda? ANC? My income tax?
• Busisiwe Witness Hlongwane is an IFP candidate and her solution is simple: to improve basic human needs in impoverished areas. I like it! I suppose she’s going do this through wishful thinking?

There was also a list of other candidates and no write up on them. Clearly if a reporter found nothing good about them, then they aren’t worth reading up on. Also, surely if you want to win, you’ll market yourself? I don’t know if I can trust any candidate who isn’t interested in the elections they are running for. Will they be interested in doing the job once appointed?

According to my research, there’s three options: vote for Andrew who does something with by-laws, Hilda who believes that toilets are the solution to the high unemployment rate or Busisiwe who wants to dream about a better world. Based, on these options, you die hard fans of exercising your right to vote – pick one for me cos I can’t think of anyone worthy of running the ward.

I suppose I should go eeny, meeny, miny, mo instead of voicing my lack of a suitable candidate by refraining from voting? Because apparently, I don’t have a right to complain if I don’t vote to make a change. What change are these candidates going to bring? What good is my vote?

I pay taxes on everything. I pay tax which is used to fund public service. So the next time you, die hard fans of exercising your right to vote, tell me not to complain about public service delivery, I’d like a refund on my tax please. As a consumer, I reserve the right to complain especially when I don’t complain about paying more tax to subsidise those that aren’t. 

Curing lesbianism

They call it corrective rape; forcing a lesbian to have intercourse with a man to cure her of the homosexuality disease.

South Africa constitutionally protects the human rights of gays and lesbians yet corrective rape and hate crimes against homosexuals occur every day. I guess it’s one thing to make gay and lesbian rights constitutional and another thing entirely to convince our communities that homosexuality isn’t a disease that needs curing.

So just what makes a group of men decide to “cure” a girl? A lot of it may be attributed to social conditioning, I guess. Being gay is still taboo and rare. Our religions say that it isn’t right. We’re brought up to believe that it is normal to only be attracted to the opposite sex. I suppose it’s then natural to think that being gay is wrong. But at which point does a man think that he should take it upon himself to show her what she’s missing out on so that she can turn straight? Does this man even understand that rape is wrong – whether it’s for correctional purposes or not? If we’re going to attribute the corrective rape to good intentions by people who just don’t know any better, then are we also going to assume that it is good intentions that lead these same men to believe that they deserve sex when they want it by raping women…because they just don’t know any better?

It’s normal to fear the unknown but in our society, homophobia has turned into intolerance often resulting in hate crimes. It’s not even about being scared of gay people or trying to turn a gay straight, there’s brutal attacks, sexual assault and ultimately murders all because of different sexual orientation. With reactions like this, do we really blame people for hiding their sexual preference? It’s also our own communities to blame for the teenage suicides linked to unaccepted sexual orientation.

Our communities are so intolerant about sexual preference. The question is: how do we remove this intolerance? We really need to educate our people about homosexuality – the science behind it and real life experiences from gay people; not what religion or society dictates. The more understanding we as a nation become, the easier it will be for people to come out of the closet. The more we talk about it, more gays and lesbians will be open without fear of reprisal. The more “normal” it becomes, the more tolerant we will be of homosexuals. And hopefully, then corrective rape will be laughed at as a thing of a past uncivilised generation.

The problem is: how do we start?

Symbols of oppression

I hardly keep up with current affairs so imagine my confusion when I caught a clip on the local news of women dressed in burqas and niqabs. I immediately got on to Twitter to find out why these Muslim women were featured in the news.

I found out that on 11 April 2011, a law will come into effect in France banning the use of a burqa. The punishment will be a €150 fine or public service duty. Penalties for obligating a person to wear a burqa are also part of the law.



So a burqa is the loose outer garment that some Islamic women wear to cover their bodies and face. Now the Qur'an has many verses stating that women should dress modestly and only reveal their beauty to their husbands, immediate family and other women. With thousands of years of burqa use, the tradition of conservation dress is seen as being respectful and modest.

I’ve always been exposed to women dressed in niqab, purdah, abaya or burqa so it isn't unusual for me but I do understand the fear and concern of those not used to it. I imagine it would be the same feeling I'd get if people were walking around shopping malls in balaclavas.

It is these people that are not exposed to face coverings that have concluded that burqas symbolise oppression against women. Hence the French have passed this law saying that they will not tolerate female oppression in their country.

The problem is that the small minority of burqa wearing females that have made France their home will find it quite difficult to show their faces in public and likewise their men would feel uncomfortable allowing this. Perhaps six months isn't all it takes to wean off years of burqa use? And if the French are really concerned about female oppression, should they rather not tackle the problem of oppression instead of the alleged symbols?

 This clearly points to a discrimination against religion, tradition and culture but the old adage "when in Rome" comes to mind. In the Middle East, many countries require foreigners to conform to their rules such as forcing women to cover up. Why then should Arabs complain when they're forced to remove their covers to conform to rules of their new land?

Because it’s not the same thing! Forcing women to remove their burqas is similar to forcing a Western woman to remove her clothing so that she can parade in her underwear. It’s the same thing – it’s the level of comfort you’re used to and both types of women will feel the same humiliation.

No amount of complaining from me is going to prevent the law from taking effect. All I ask is that if we're going to ban burqas and niqabs with the excuse of eradicating oppression, then let us also ban a few other symbols of female oppression:

• women should not be allowed to wear bikinis in public as this oppresses women to be seen as sexual objects for the pleasure of men;
• we should ban the biblical verse that women should be submissive and obey and respect their husbands as the head of the households;
• remuneration in the corporate world should be equal across gender regardless of time spent on maternity leave – we wouldn’t want to oppress women for the gift of life; and
• Catholic religious clergy should be banned from refusing married women the use of contraception thereby harming their health and creating unwanted pregnancies.

What else do you think we should ban to free our women from oppression?

Tips to rock a concert

This weekend I saw the ultimate concert – U2 360 tour J. Amidst a lot of blunders and waiting periods, I realised that it would be helpful to jot down some tips to make the most of future rock concerts that I might attend. Who better to pen these tips than me – with my limited rock concert experience and my propensity for bad luck to follow me around like a dark cloud.

The most important piece of advice I have is: don’t forget your ticket. Maybe it’s just me who forgets things all the time but driving halfway through the city only to have this nagging feeling that I left something at home is not the way to emotionally prepare yourself for one of the amazing bands of all time…especially when retrieving my ticket involves walking up two flights of stairs.

Now I live in my heels so naturally I go everywhere wearing them; so I’ve learnt the hard way that walking a good distance from the parking lot to the venue and then standing and jumping up and down for hours is not very pleasant on your little feet. Appropriate dress is key but while you’re comfortable in your jeans, t-shirt and sneakers, remember that this is a huge event so bring out your inner rock star and don that rock look on cos the older you get the more likely it is that you aint gonna be able to pull off a punk rock look anywhere else.

Speaking of getting older, perhaps I’m too young to understand or just not in the right phase of my life yet but is it really appropriate to bring little kids to a concert – especially one that is going to be completely wasted on them? Ten year olds don’t know who Bono is and I don’t think they’re going to remember the awesomeness that was the claw. That being said, I’m not gonna waste a grand on my kid who is going to be tired and irritable, doesn’t have the patience to walk or stand in a crowd, feels hungry and needs to use the bathroom at all odd times during the most exciting parts of the concert. Kids also have a tendency to bother other people around them who don’t want kids near them so get a babysitter.

Very often you’re surrounded by swarms of people (and sometimes kids) especially if the concert you’re attending has sold 98 000 tickets. Queues are inevitable and so is waiting in close proximity to strangers. I think it might be the ideal opportunity to practise a little bit of queue etiquette. Rule number 1: do not attempt to cut the queue if people have been waiting there for an hour already. Not only is it unfair but people get cranky and somebody might injure you for trying to get ahead. Rule number 2: even if the weather looks deceptively overcast, carry some deodorant in your bag of things. If I’m not mistaken, sharing your BO is an infringement on other people’s basic human rights. Rule number 3: surely there’s some law that says you shouldn’t smoke within close proximity of other humans that want to spare their lungs from the torment of cancer. I have lots of smoker friends who believe they have the right to smoke where they want and if you don’t like it then you should leave. Let’s face it, in an environment where there’s one smoker out of a thousand, you’re kind of out-numbered and you’re making the queuing in the hot sun even more unbearable. Rule number 4: I don’t care what your culture or race is but if the person you’re talking to is standing right next to you, how about not yelling at the top of your lungs. We’re all here to have fun and pleasant banter around you just adds to the ambience but talking that loudly – is it really necessary?

And when those people in the queue join the rest of audience, there tends to be inappropriate proportion of the number of people to toilets. That is why you need to carry tissues. If you decide to leave your handbag at home, please remember to stuff some tissues into your pockets along with the cash you have to buy drinks that lead you to use the bathroom frequently. Toilet paper has the tendency to run out and no girl likes to drip dry.

In the event of a concert held at a stadium, if you can’t get golden circle then rather choose to be in the crowd on the ground instead of the stands. The atmosphere is awesome in the crowds, the tickets are cheaper and everyone has more fun. The stands were meant for old people who can’t jump around and scream like they used to.

And above all, have fun. Road trip there, eats loads of junk and pee on the side of the road if you want to. Make it memorable - take pics like a Japanese tourist. Profess your groupie status to random people. Scream at the top of your lungs. Smile through all the blunders because having and making your own fun is how you truly rock at a concert. 

Are there any tips you’d like to add?

Sanitising our past

Set in the 1880’s, a superb book written in the vernacular from along the Mississippi River features Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer and Nigger Jim. Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn has been received for over 120 years with a lot of controversy and debate. Perhaps the negativity surrounding the book is due to fear, empathy, hate or simply the inability to understand a great piece of literature as a whole.



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In the 1880’s, blacks were treated as sub human by whites. As a result, segregation, racial prejudice and lynching ensued. Jim is depicted as a good person looking for freedom from slavery. Huckleberry Finn is a young boy who struggles his conscience of helping his newly found friend, Jim, to escape by essentially stealing someone else’s property. The book is filled with lots of adventure, the sad tales of Jim’s life as a slave and the changing mindset of Huck Finn’s understanding of slaves and black people.

Jim’s character was created to humanise slaves so that the reader understands what they go through and what they want from life. Indeed, the book is filled with stereotypes and rightly so as the reader escapes into the 1880’s. Words that are considered derogatory in the current day as well as in the setting of the book are littered throughout. And why not? The n-word was commonly used back then. It was intended to be a derogatory term and its connotation has remained until today.

The book has been deemed racist and offensive. It’s been banned from libraries and schools over the years for many reasons: for the unique vernacular style of writing, for depicting Jim as a nice black man, for the story being outdated and for the use of offensive language.

This year a new version will be released where the n-word is replaced by “slave”. This means that the book can be taught at school. Brilliant, isn’t it? Remove racial slurs and still teach kids about American history. All the while, popular rap artists like Drake, Lil Wayne, Kanye West and Snoop Dogg use the n-word in their songs. This makes the word more accessible to white children and it offends black people when white kids use it. Popular culture doesn’t teach us why the word is offensive. And now, Mark Twain’s works won’t teach this to us either. So we can keep children from reading the n-word in Adventures of Huckleberry Finn but how do we keep out the n-word from the music that young people listen to?

People of varying cultures feel uneasy when teaching the book and reading from it. Why? Because of racial slurs? Really? You’re going to be offended because Jim is referred to as a nigger and not be offended by the fact that he could have been sold for $40? Does the use of the word offend you? Then how do you think Jim felt when he was not only humiliated but also owned? That’s right – we’re teaching children to feel hurt when they hear a word that they don’t even know the meaning of; instead of teaching them how not to treat different people and that “all human beings are born free and equal” – Article 1 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights. A round of applause to the decision makers of the American education system!

The book in no way promotes racism but rather uses entertainment to inform people of what was happening. Maybe at the time, Twain wanted us to see life through different eyes. After all, it’s very easy to hate a race when they don’t seem human to you and you’ve been brainwashed into believing the propagated lies.

Well, no amount of logical complaining is going to prevent the sanitisation of the book. It’s done. And what’s next: Catcher in the Rye, To Kill a Mocking Bird, The Colour Purple? Books that don’t promote hate but rather capture scenes from history. Let us ban these books from school curriculums, shall we? There goes artistic freedom. And there goes the right to teach children the history and the human evolution of the mind, thoughts and ideals.  

I’m curious about what it is that we’re really afraid of. Are we really scared to expose our children to offensive language or are we really that ashamed of our history that we don’t want them to know where they came from? Let us remember the mistakes of the past lest we forget what we learnt from them.

Never shall we part

I chatted with a friend today who was quite upset because she and her husband were having a little fight. Concerned, I probed further. Turns out she’s not happy because he’s not spending enough time with her. 

Source

Her husband has allegedly ditched her for soccer and an afternoon of friendly poker and comes home late every day. The boys get together to play soccer for a few hours on Saturdays and on some Sundays they spend the afternoon playing poker at their place. During the weekdays, work pressures only allow him to get home at 18:30 – hardly late by my standards but nevertheless this only allows for a few hours of quality time.

Suddenly, I understood. It’s not that he is intentionally not willing to spend time with her. He just wants to play soccer, poker and has to work an hour extra. The problem is that she doesn’t have anything to do but sit and wait for him while he’s working late or spending a few hours with the boys.

This is so common amongst women everywhere. They find a man and suddenly the life they lived before him doesn’t exist anymore. They spend every waking moment doting over their significant other as they duly settle down. I don’t necessarily think this is unhealthy. These women choose to become more wifely, to see to their beau’s needs and to be constantly surrounded by the one they love.

What is unhealthy is when the guy decides that he wants to spend some reasonable time with his friends. I’m not talking about trips to a strip club, drinking sprees at the local bar and whatever other mischief guys get up to. I’m talking about playing soccer for a few hours and coming back home tired from the game. Does that really warrant an upset girlfriend or wife?

I think the problem lays with the girls who let themselves sit at home waiting. How important can a man be that you put your whole life on hold when he isn’t around? What about spending some me-time at the spa? Embracing your solitude with a good book? Brunch with your friends? Instead she insists on missing him tremendously. Understandably so, when you’ve created a life where you’re both inseparable.

My view is that couples need to have some healthy apart time – even if it is just to truly appreciate each other when they’re together. What are your thoughts?

Advertising teaze

Rivonia Road is surrounded by the residential suburbs of Rivonia, Morningside, Sunninghill, Paulshof, Woodmead and Bryanston. It’s a very busy road with schools, shopping centres and restaurants on and just off it. I travel down that road quite often. Some of things that stand out for me are The Grand’s beautiful building, their little video advertisement and the Teazers’ billboards.

Teazers’ billboards have been in the limelight for the past couple of years, mostly due to complaints about their billboards being in bad taste by objectifying and demeaning women. The Advertising Standards Authority looked into these complaints a while back and of the six billboards in question, only one of them was deemed too sexual in nature and had to be removed. This ruling in Teazers’ favour tells us that freedom of expression is still alive and well in South Africa.

I happen to like those billboards. Their ads are always cleverly put together, well worded, and have good models and quality graphics. One of my favourites was a rather conservative ad. The woman wasn’t scantily clad and the wording had no implication of sex whatsoever. It was a picture of the street where a Teazers billboard had the “ASA banned” banner covering it. The words were cleverly aligned to read, “Come see our ‘ASA banned’ girls”. Contrary to the complaints that probed the ASA investigation, I thought that billboard was very classy, in good taste and quite funny.

My concern isn’t about self-conscious (or self-righteous) women who are uncomfortable with the billboards; it’s really about the kids. Rivonia Road is en route to many child friendly places. Suburbs are nearby and so are schools and shopping centres. Children will notice the billboard. The famous one that comes to mind is the “No need for Gender Testing!” billboard that had a woman lying naked on her back with only her arms strategically crossed to cover her girly parts. This model was practically nude and displayed out in the open for everyone to see. I wonder what it is that children understand about these ads?

I’m glad I am not a parent because I don’t know how I’d go about explaining that to a curious child. A lot of my friends cringe when they cart around kids where strip club ads are displayed. Anyone concerned about little ones wants to protect them from getting the idea that women are seen as nothing more than objects for the satisfaction of male pleasure. We also want to protect their “innocence” from knowing what the billboard is advertising – what they are trying to sell.

Children are exposed to a lot as it is. Raunchy music videos mimicking sexual acts are displayed on TV which is easily accessible to children. Surely this is far more damaging than a Teazers’ billboard? I once had a nine-year old girl say to me, “Do you know that Rihanna’s lesbian? Haven’t you seen her Te Amo video? She has come out!” I didn’t know to tell this little girl that Rihanna’s not quite lesbian.

Sex is implied in the lyrics of songs that are played on the radio. Some popular songs aren’t given airtime on the radio due to its sexual content. I’ve never heard Lil Jon’s Get Low or Jeremih’s Birthday Sex on the radio yet a beautifully romantic song by Ne-yo, When You’re Mad, is being played during the time that children are being driven to school on a popular radio station. What do children think when part of the hook of the song is: Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose, when you make your angry face that makes me wanna just take off all your clothes and sex you all over the place?

Sex sells and is prominently displayed on billboards and various forms of print and media advertising by other companies too. Calvin Klein’s received some flak for an ad where a sexy girl was being held down by a couple of guys wearing only CK jeans. The complaints were that it alluded to gang rape even without any nudity on it. Children also saw this ad and would be able to conclude that a girl is being held down by a couple of guys against her will.

Even GodFirst Church put up a billboard simply stating, “Jozi loves sex. God loves sex. Let’s talk.” After the initial shock of not expecting to associate that phrase with a church, it eventually dawns that the church is trying to send the message that sex isn’t dirty and sleazy. ‘God created it so come to church to find out how he intended for sex to be enjoyed’ – that is how it was probably intended to be interpreted. This was the church’s way of urging young people to come to church to tell them about immoral and moral sex from the Bible’s standpoint. Young children who couldn’t yet read weren’t affected by the billboard. The message that teens and pre-teens must have mistakenly gotten is that God says that sex is OK. The sex that pre-teens and teens are currently exposed to is pre-marital sex, pressure for young girls to lose their virginity and the risk of being labelled uncool if not sexually active. Therefore, teens and pre-teens may assume that the billboard implies that God believes that it is fine to have this sex that they are exposed – contrary to what their parents may have instilled.

The Love Life campaigns invested heavily in advertising to promote the ABC of sex to prevent teens from contracting HIV. A few years into their campaigns, surveys showed that their target market didn’t actually understand their advertising. The same can be assumed for the GodFirst Church’s billboard.

So what is the solution to protecting children’s innocent eyes from the degradation of women and from assuming that sex is this wonderful thing that needs to happen right now? Banning of sexually offensive advertisements?

Offensive is quite a subjective term. I happen to think that the Lollipop Lounge billboard where a girl is licking on a lollipop and the phrase says, “Come treat your lolli,” is far more offensive than the Teazers’ billboards that I’ve seen, yet others have said that children wouldn’t understand the phrase and the billboard hasn’t displayed any signs of negative sexual depiction of women.

Banning these ads would also impact their freedom of expression. Companies have previously been banned from advertising. The tobacco industry comes to mind. Cigarette companies aren’t even allowed to sponsor events anymore as it is seen as a form of advertising their products. It’s not only about the misleading print ads that cigarettes are fun and not harmful to your health; it was also that the mention of the cigarette companies may lead more people to buy a product that may lead to cancer. Cigarette packs have since added health warnings to their packs and are still not allowed their freedom of expression. The reason for the ban is based on the assumed health benefits of the country as a whole.

So, if British American Tobacco can’t advertise their products, surely it is possible to ban strip club advertisements on similar grounds. The illustration of women as sexual objects is dangerous in a country when one in two of its women will be raped in her lifetime. Are we teaching little boys that women belong in lingerie and high heels and shouldn’t be respected otherwise? Portraying the casualness of sex isn’t wise in a country that contains the highest population of people living with HIV/AIDS.

A Teazers billboard in the residential Midrand suburb

I don’t think the answer lies in preventing strip clubs to advertise a legal business. Regardless of whether Teazers puts up an ad with the view of a naked woman’s side profile, there has been an infiltration of varied sexual messages and it will continue to grow. The president of the country continues to have unsafe casual sex – we see the proof in his growing number of illegitimate kids – and has been accused of rape. The media is filled with messages we don’t want our children to hear or see and it is extremely difficult to hide it from them. We’re not going to be able to stop this anytime soon unless President Zuma decides to run South Africa as a dictatorship, where privileges to all forms of communication to the outside world may need to be revoked in order to censor offensive material.

Perhaps, instead of cringing at the site of a raunchy ad, we explain what it means to children. When they ask what that scantily-clad woman is trying to sell, tell them that Teazers is a place where women dance. Tell them that you don’t go there because these women dance naked and why you disapprove. Tell them that some of these girls do this for a living not because they enjoy it but because they can’t find any other employment to survive or take care of their families. Tell them that the billboards are a way to let people know that people will see these ladies if they go to the club. Tell them that some men want to see this but that doesn’t mean that girls need to dance without their clothes on. And while, you’re telling them all this, take a closer listen to the lyrical content of your kids’ ipods, watch the movies they’re interested in, look at the story-line of their favourite TV shows, ask them what they think about the articles in teen magazines and talk to them.

We can’t protect our children from everything. What we can do is assist them in seeing the bigger picture and guiding them in how they should perceive these messages by using our own values and principles to channel the discussions. Only by talking about it, will we be able to undo whatever harm is done to these little kids’ minds. Ignoring it breeds future destructive behaviour.

Making it better and better

I took a drive to Galleria to pick up some groceries today. While I was there, I realised that I needed an iron so I stepped into a few stores to compare prices of their irons. The iron I wanted was ridiculously priced at R229 so I decided to check out the price at Checkers where I was going to get my groceries.

As I did my shopping, I spotted the aisle with small appliances. I walked all the way past appliances the various appliances and at the end of the little aisle, I saw a little range of irons. Right there, I spotted the Russell Hobbs iron I wanted. The price tag said R179. Can you say, “Bargain”? Excitedly, I popped it into my basket and happily went off to complete the rest of my shopping.

I get to the till with the usual wait in a queue and once it was my turn to be served, I put all my items on the counter. I paid special attention to the price that was scanned for the iron. To my surprise, the iron scans in at R199. R20 more. It’s the incorrect price and had I seen that price on the shelf, I wouldn’t have taken the iron.

Having worked as a cashier at Trade Centre in Durban, I’m well aware that often old shelf-talkers aren't removed from the shelves and up-to-date pricing isn't captured on the point of sale systems so I informed the cashier that it isn’t the price I saw on the shelf. She told the lady helping to pack my groceries to fetch the shelf talker. Minutes later, she arrives with a shelf-talker that says the iron is R199.

The old saying is true, if you need something done right, do it yourself. So I took the packer to the shelf where we spent a good couple of minutes trying to take the price sticker which I had initially seen off. After ruining my French manicure tips, we got the price tag off and took it to the cashier. And I waited…

A few useless people came by to see what the problem was and they were of no help. So we waited some more…

Eventually, a long-haired manager called Lenny, came to us. After I told the story for the fourth time, he looked at me and said that the price is R199 and that I saw an old price so I need to pay the new price. Shocked at his nonchalance, I asked him if he really was a manager which he then affirmed. After spending about 25 minutes at that till, I got irritated. I asked him how he could be a manager and not understand that a customer saw a price on the shelf, wants the item for that price and is rightfully annoyed when a higher price shows up at the till. Before I could ask for the general manager, he eventually just said that he’ll give to me for the price I saw. He was kind enough to add that it’s not correct for him to do so; as if this whole incident was my fault!

Another advantage of having worked at Trade Centre is that I was afforded many opportunities to see first-hand how the incorrect pricing is overcome and how to deal with irate customers. Being the customer in this instance, I have a few problems with this incident.

False advertising: I’m led to believe that the iron is reasonably priced so I pop it into my trolley. Most customers are too busy loading their groceries onto the counter to look at the prices that come up on the screen at the till so how many times has Checkers robbed us? You buy items that you think are cheap and it’s not the same price at the till but because you’re too busy unpacking your goods, you fail to notice this. My groceries amounted to R300 and I would have been robbed of R20. How do you know whether Checkers is robbing you of R200 when you do your grocery shopping that amounts to R3000?

Long queues: there are over 30 tills at Checkers in Galleria. On one of the busiest days in the year, New Year’s Eve, there weren’t any trolleys or baskets available – that’s how full and busy the store was. On this day, less than half of these tills were in use. Forgive my ignorance, but why has Checkers chosen to build more than 30 tills that they are not using? To make people believe that this store is different – you’re not going to stand in long queues – your shopping experience will be a pleasure. Today, I had a bit of a wait for the cashier but we’ve grown so accustomed to waiting that this is normal for us and not something to complain about.

Unfriendly cashiers: usually the only person a customer interacts with at a store is the cashier. To us, the cashier is Checkers. Is it too difficult to greet the customer, smile and ask them how they are doing? Instead we’re treated with a sullen face asking, “paa-keet?” When the issue of the price came up, the cashier spoke to the person helping her to pack in Zulu and didn’t inform me of what’s going on. Even worse, there was a growing queue behind me. No apologies were made either.

Unnecessary staff: a few people came to see what the hold-up was – till supervisors I assume. The till supervisors weren’t any friendlier than the cashier and didn’t offer any support. So what’s the point of employing supervisors if they’re just gonna listen to your story and not do anything about it. Get rid of supervisors and give the added responsibility and pay to the managers. From what I’ve seen, the managers are actually good for something; supervisors, on the other hand, just walk around. Funnily enough, in South Africa, supervising is considered skilled labour – amazing that walking, listening and doing nothing is a skill.

Managers who don’t understand customer centricity: when I say manager, I’m really not talking about someone who has studied business and understands that customer is king. These managers at Checkers probably worked their way up in an environment that thrived on the bad customer that South Africans are used to. No wonder Mr Lenny Basassi (or whatever his name is) showed no compassion and treated me as if I was wrong.

A waste of my time: I spent about half an hour standing there getting frustrated when I could have been doing something better with my time for a mere R20.

But it’s not about the R20. It’s about bad customer service! You’re never treated like a human being, no one apologises for wasting your time, dare point out inefficiencies and you’re told that you’re wrong by management while unnecessary staff prance around to make the store look busy. I wonder if this is the culture that Whitey Basson is entrenching in his staff.

At the end of the day, customers just want a pleasurable service. Is it too much to ask for friendly assistance? It’s not about the price. It’s about the service and the way it was handled. What about a simple apology for time wasted? Oh how about putting up the correct price for customers to understand the cost of their purchases to avoid awkward scenes at the till. Yes, Checkers – making it better and better.

Good resolution, bad resolution

Every year, on New Year’s Eve, we look back on the year; look at the accomplishments and setbacks. Then we take stock of all that we want to change and set a list of New Year’s resolutions. After the celebrations are over and normality sets in, the first week of January sees many people striving to achieve their resolution. By March, the resolutions are long forgotten.

Why? Is it a lack of willpower to achieve the goals we set out? Probably not. We set goals in everything we do: passing an exam, completing a task at work on time, hosting a dinner party – and we generally complete them successfully.

Maybe the resolutions we set are inherently difficult to achieve. Or maybe they are resolutions that you didn’t want to make in the first place. So here’s my guide on examples of resolutions that you want to set and one’s you should stay far away from.

Resolutions to throw out the window

1.       Lose weight

South Africa is said to be the third fattest nation so it probably tops many resolution lists and is the one that generally fails first. Sweating on a treadmill isn’t fun especially when you’re guilt-tripping yourself about pigging out during the festive season. The gym is a depressing place to be: the machines are overwhelming, you look silly trying to figure it all out, you sweat like a pig, muscles ache, and you don’t see the results until months of working at it. Rather convince a friend to join you to keep you going if you really want to do this.

2.       Quit smoking

Be honest, how many times have you stopped smoking and then started again a few months later? Then what makes you think it’s going to work this year? First figure whether you really want to quit. Most smokers really enjoy a cigarette with a drink, with a friend, after a meal – well, they just generally enjoy smoking so until you can truly say that the health benefits outweigh the pleasure of smoking, save this resolution for another year. It will be easier when you really want to.

3.       Be more healthy

I don’t understand why anyone would pick a side salad to add to their main meal instead of deep-fried golden crispy chips. The right foods help with weight loss and curb diseases but only if you’re consistent with a well-balanced diet. Some don’t take sugar in their hot beverages because sugar is bad for you but an apple has a lot more sugar than that. The majority of us love everything that is bad for us – but why not? Everything in moderation, I say. Life is short, eat what tastes good and enjoy it.

4.       Get out of debt

What? Ok, maybe you shouldn’t have ten maxed out credit cards although the banks are making this impossible. Surely, life’s more enjoyable cruising around in a car with a loan taken from the bank than walking around saving up for one to pay for with cash?

5.       Quit drinking

This one was probably made while recovering from the hangover of the year or in retrospect of the mess your drunken nights have gotten you into. So you had a brush with the law, dented your car, threw up in a club and went home with a stranger? Heavy drinkers fail to quit cold-turkey and stress is a lot more difficult to deal with without something to drown your sorrows in? Drink so you don’t take up regular weed smoking to deal with it.

6.       De-clutter

Organising your office and home takes up time and is boring. If you’ve got the time to do it, go right ahead. Chances are you’ll quit once you have one rubbish bag filled with things that need to be thrown out. Rather schedule no more than an hour on separate days to spend on each room in your house and once you’re done organising the little you can, treat yourself to an ice-cream. You’ll definitely deserve it.

Resolutions worth keeping

1.       Spend more time with family and friends

Work isn’t that important. Yeah, we need to work hard to pay the bills and be able to live a certain lifestyle but what’s the point of working so hard that you don’t even get to enjoy life. Free up your evenings and weekends for me-time and to spend with family and friends. Have fun with the people that matter the most to you and spoil them so they know they are appreciated.

2.       Volunteering

Time is scarce and if you have some to spare, use it to help those less fortunate than you. Play with orphaned kids or get some friends together to speak to South Africa’s future leaders about work and study options to uplift them. If you’re too busy, donate some money to a good cause instead.

3.       Take up a hobby

Most of us are stuck in an unsatisfying job in order to earn a living and our hearts lie somewhere else – something that doesn’t easily make us money but where we would easily be content for eight hours a day. If you don’t know what truly makes you happy, look back into your childhood and remember what you enjoyed doing. Maybe it was collecting or painting. Make the time, one night a week, to spend on something other than work and family. Read more, take up guitar lessons or learn a new language. 

4.       Have fun

A average weekday is spent waking up to go to work and coming back way too tired to do anything but recharge for the next day. This continues until the weekend comes, when we have the time yet we’re caught up with errands and pretty soon, Monday mornings wakes us up. The better part of our lives is spent working. We need to enjoy life and have fun. Have fun at work, spoil yourself with a few hours at the spa, play a video game with your brother, take your kids to the zoo and stop stressing – pretty soon 2012 will be here and you will look back at 2011 and wonder why you didn’t spend enough time enjoy the little things in life.