Things I learnt while watching Sharknado

So I finally got around to watching Sharknado last night. Yes, I had nothing better to do and yes, it was the worst movie I have ever watched. It’s a highly implausible concept riddled with inaccuracies. Let me tell you some of the things I learnt while watching it.

Australians have tougher skins than Americans

Right at the beginning of the movie, there are sharks that have suddenly moved in to shallow waters going on a feeding frenzy. A shark bites into the leg of an Australian who struggles for few minutes with the shark attached to his leg. He eventually escapes the shark. Everyone else in the movie, i.e. Americans, seems to die from just one shark bite. How else do you explain it? The Australian was also cleaned up and was able to walk just fine a few hours later.

Sharks can breathe out of water

The movie centres around a hurricane that starts over the ocean, picking up sharks (and no other marine life) and sweeping across California. When the sharks are flung from the centre of the hurricane onto land, they are still alive, can breathe out of water and are much more concerned about eating every human in sight rather than wondering where all the water went to. And when they do see a large body of water like a chlorine filled pool or a sewer pipe – they can happily survive in there swimming around until their next kill.

Sharks can survive almost anything

I mean, they can already breathe out of water and survive in a chlorine pool but did you know that they can be flung from heavily flowing sewer pipes onto concrete slabs and still survive? Even more impressive is that they can survive a fall from great heights onto the pavement and still manage to work up an appetite to take out whoever is in its path. Despite their toughness, there are ways to kill a shark.

The many ways to kill a shark

Even waitresses without much experience in shark hunting can kill a shark but stabbing a pool cue stick through its head. Even surfers can shoot a shark…that is attacking a helicopter high up in the air…while standing on a ground…with a pistol. Bar stools are incredible powerful tools at protecting yourself from shark attacks. You can fly a helicopter near a tornado to throw a bomb in the centre of without getting sucked in to the tornado.

Sharks can swallow you whole

Sharks have deadly teeth which they use to chomp down on one of your limbs and then shake their heads violently from side to side to rip you up in order to get a bite-sized piece of you. That’s what you learn in school. In Sharknado though, sharks can swallow you whole. And one does swallow you whole, never fear, always keep a chainsaw on your person at all times; you can easily use it to cut your way out of its belly.

Cars can explode without an ignition source

At some point in the movie, the car stops and can’t be started again. Quickly someone notices a fuel leak. Everyone runs. And you guessed it. The car explodes with no ignition source. Also seconds before the actual explosion someone leaps to the ground. And I always thought that happened as a result of the force of the explosion pushing you to the ground.

Nitrous

There’s a nitrous button on a Hummer. And when you use it, police miraculously stop chasing you. I totally want one of those buttons on my Corsa Lite. 

48 hours in Hartbeespoort Dam

I have been so tired at work lately that I was desperately in need of a break. I don’t generally associate holidays or weekend getaways as relaxing. I often try to squeeze in all the tourist things possible into one weekend and come back even more exhausted. Going away to a small town not too far from home and with not much to do actually gave me some time to relax.

Pumleni Guesthouse

We left Joburg on Friday and arrived in Harties in less than an hour. We stayed at Pumleni Guesthouse, a semi self-catering guesthouse. The room rates covered breakfast and I wasn’t too fussed about the guesthouse not serving dinner as I wanted to experience the restaurants Harties had to offer. Pumleni is very close to the dam and all the tourist attractions. It is situated in front of the Magaliesberg Mountain range and just behind the dam so as we had beautiful views coming to and leaving the guesthouse.

Walk/run through Harties

I’m trying to get into an exercise routine so I didn’t want my weekend away to get in the way of that goal so we walked around Harties A LOT admiring the views and breathing in such fresh air. If you cycle or run, you’ll definitely like the views of the dam and Magaliesberg from the road. There are stunning country-side trails as well if you don’t like being on the road.

Siesta Tapas Bistro

I love eating a lot of small dishes instead of one big meal so when I heard about this little restaurant, I had to try it out. It was a block away from Pumleni Guesthouse so we walked there. They offer themed platters such as seafood, vegetarian, etc. but we decided to choose our own tapas. The dishes are slightly bigger than restaurants starter menu offerings so try not to order all your tapas at once. You must try the rack of lamb – 2 succulent lamb chops served with grilled veggies smothered in lamb flavour and roasted baby potatoes. There’s a very extensive wine list and a cellar where you can pick out your wine from.

Hartbeespoort Dam

We drove around trying to find a spot on the banks of the dam to just chill but alas, it seems like that is all private property so we settled on checking out the dam wall instead. There’s a road that comes from around the one side of the dam, through a tunnel and over the top of the dam wall. We parked aside and walked the top of the dam wall. It was the first time I’ve been on a dam wall and it was absolutely breath-taking. It was amazing to see how this man-made dam held back so much water. Even better than that was looking at the little streams into where the dam lets out its excess water.

Aerial Cableway

Next we took the cable car up to a high point on the mountain to overlook all of Hartbeespoort Dam. I’ve been on a cable car before to Table Mountain but this was a completely different experience. The cars are max 6-seater so it’s intimate if you have a small group of friends. There is virtually no wait and once you get to the top, the little walk around all the viewing points is so short. There are panoramic views of the dam, the majestic Magaliesberg and surrounding areas – you can even see the Northgate Coca-Cola Dome from up there. There’s a little curio shop, a pizzeria and a bar which stole the best from all of the eating joints. We settled on a café called Bugatti. I liked the name and that it was an indoor restaurant with glass windows so you still get a nice view but you miss all that cold wind. It is a self-service restaurant though which means you pay and help yourself to the buffet or burger bar.

Afternoon naps

I am such a busy woman that I hardly have time to get my eight hours of sleep a night let alone take an afternoon nap. How refreshing to just draw the curtains and snooze for a while on a comfy hotel bed before heading out again.

AfricanSwiss Restaurant

Hidden far from the dam is this little restaurant that promises a fusion between South African and Swiss/German cuisine. It’s quaint with a great country-side feel to it. If you come for lunch, you can leave your kids at the little play area while you wait for your food. The food does take a while to prepare so try a German beer while you wait. I recommend the pork belly with brakwurst. The different elements on the plate take away the richness from just having a pork belly dish on its own.

Welwitschia Country Market

Across the dam wall, there are tons of flea markets. Most of them selling the same things but I enjoyed browsing through the arts and crafts markets, African curio shops and nurseries. Across the road and further along are other markets with similar stalls. There are also lots of restaurants and cafes in each of these outdoor markets if you need to take a break from the shopping. I picked up two wood and wicker bedside tables for my new bedroom at R200 each.

Jasmyn Farmstall

One of the first things you notice while driving towards Harties is The Windmill. Outside The Windmill is a flea market to browse through and then there’s Jasmyn Farmstall which has very misleading name. It’s a huge farmer’s grocery store similar to a Fruit ‘n Veg City but with none of the usual food brands. We decided to do the week’s grocery shopping there. Fresh fruits, vegetables, dairy products, meat, juices, jams and baked goods are for sale at lower prices than what I’m used to.

The Windmill

Our last meal at Hartees in the freezing cold was at The Windmill. Despite the dull weather, the gardens looked lush and the streams made me feel like I never wanted to be in the city again. I ordered a hot chocolate and my food arrived so quickly that my hot chocolate was still warm by the time I finished my meal. Now that is what I call service! Try the chicken pancake. Dare I say it? It was better than Harry’s Pancakes.

I’m usually not ready to come back home from a weekend getaway but I left feeling relaxed and happy that I experienced most of what Harties had to offer. Only 45 minutes from Joburg, I’d definitely suggest it if you’re in need of some rest and relaxation away from the city.

Zanzibar’s Spice Tour

When I asked my Tanzanian travel agent about the tours on offer in Zanzibar, she very quickly recommended a Stone Town tour and Spice Tour but the quoted prices were way out of my budget for this unexpected trip. Upon arriving in Zanzibar, I very soon found out that like most third-world tourist spots, you can easily find someone to be your tour guide at a much cheaper rate. But being a girl in a new island, I decided to go with someone recommended by a friend. Our tour guide was neither too expensive nor too cheap and his name was Said – a herbalist by trade and a medical officer by qualification. Who better to show us around.

The tour guide fetched us from our hotel and we drove uphill to Bububu where the spice farms are located. I found it fascinating that Zanzibar is renowned for its spices yet none of these spices are indigenous to the Island. When the Omani Arabs stumbled upon Zanzibar, they thought it was paradise coming from their dry arid desert. Over time, more fruits and spices were introduced to the island as supplies for the port and for the people that eventually decided to inhabit the island. 

I was totally unprepared for my walk through the bush. Somehow I imagined this to be a well maintained farm or park with neat rows of spices growing and paved walkways. It’s thoughts like these that make it obvious that I’m used to South African luxuries.

It was a Sunday afternoon so it was a lot quieter than it usually is. The first thing I saw were the bright red rambutans growing on a tree. I first tasted this in a Thai restaurant in South Africa and then I tasted it fresh in Thailand. It’s like a litchi only much meatier. I was surprised to learn that most fruits come in a number of species. We walked past trees with different sized and shaped rambutans. We also saw some boys harvesting them to sell the market. They gave us one each to try out. So delicious!

As we passed by some flowers our herbalist tour guide shared some of his secrets with us. He showed us a flower which you pinch and a drop of liquid comes out of it. It’s used to clear up eye infections. My mother speaks fondly of a time when she was growing up and her parents used herbal remedies from their garden instead of visiting doctors so I quite happily listened to all of this as most of his “remedies” correlated with the medicinal properties of spices that I know. My colleague, on the other hand, was a bit sceptical.

We saw lots of different types of mango, bananas, lemons, jackfruit, lime and other fruits I’ve never heard of. I learnt that the farm is the property of the government however you can rent out a tree and sell that harvest in the market. The cool thing about this tour is that you always get a taste of everything edible that you see.

Our guide picked up some leaves and squished it between his fingers and made us smell it: the sweet fragrance of ylang ylang. He did this with most of the plants so we’d first guess the spice or fruit based on the aroma.

Who knew peppercorns could come in green, white and red! Most spices are dried in the sun to get the dark black colour like black peppercorns, cloves and vanilla pods. Said even shared a remedy for that uncomfortable bloated feeling when you’ve ate too much and your tummy just won’t digest everything fast enough: drink some crushed pepper mixed in water. In no time, the gases will naturally escape from your tummy.

Did you know that there are 2 types of lemon grass? I always thought it was from the same plant. The bulbous part that Indians like to add to their tea and the leaf blades that the all the TV cooking shows love to use. They actually come from 2 different species. No wonder I can't find the one I'm looking for at Woolworths.

Our tour guide showed the bark of the iodine plant which bleeds when you cut it. If you apply that liquid to a wound, it becomes a white paste and acts as an antiseptic.

As someone who is accustomed to eating hot food, Zanzibari chillies are deathly hot but the fire ants loved the treat our tour guide gave them. He sliced up a chilli and served it on a leaf. Millions of ants came out of nowhere to attack it! It was definitely a sight to see.

I cook with turmeric, cardamom, cinnamon and cloves almost every day. It was fascinating to see how these grow, which parts of the plant it comes from and how it looks in its raw form.

Our next stop was to what I thought was another fruit I’ve never seen before. Our tour guide cut it in half and handed to me to inspect. There were cocoa beans inside.

We spotted more bright red rambutans with those signature prickles but when it was cut open, we realised it wasn’t a rambutan at all. It had little seeds in it which when squashed stains your fingers red – nature’s very own colourstay lipstick.

Nutmeg is like a seed of a fruit, like the pip of a peach. I’ve never seen nutmeg with the red mace covering before. In Zanzibar, it’s used as a substance to tone down your logical thinking and excite your senses. It is given to Zanzibari brides for the celebrations on the eve of their wedding to allow the shy bride to loosen up to dance and have a little fun.

Our tour ended at the spice market. Most tourists do the spice tour as their first tour so they aren’t aware that the prices here are inflated in comparison to the already inflated Stone Town prices. There are various whole, ground and mixed spices for sale. I’m used to buying spices all the time and mixing my own so I was more interested in vanilla pods and saffron which are very expensive back home. They also sell perfumes from the flowers that grow on the farm.

Even if you have a short time in Zanzibar like I had, I’d definitely recommend doing the Spice Tour. It only takes a few hours and I left knowing so much more about the island, its history and culture.

Mtoni Marine

Planning a trip to Zanzibar the day before didn’t leave me with much options for accommodation. Also considering that I was strapped for cash, I just took what the travel agent offered in terms of flights and somewhere to stay. In hindsight, I was quite pleased with what I was given.

While checking in at the Mtoni Marine, a spiced tea was served as a welcome drink. I happen to think I know quite a bit about spiced teas but this was by far the best I’ve ever tasted. It was served piping hot in a little cup and the hotel reception staff were more than happy to pour more for us when we wanted.

The first thing we did after checking in to our room was check out the cosy beach at the hotel. There’s a pretty mangrove type area where big trees were growing in the waters. A pier separates the mangrove area to the rest of the hotel’s beach which is safer to swim in. I love piers and walking as far in as possible. Watching the depth of the waters and how the waves crash against the stones on the pier is absolutely breath taking. For a three star hotel, it is definitely value for money to be able to stay on the beach.

For lunch and supper, we dined at the hotel’s sports bar. I must say that the food takes super long to prepare. There’s free wifi so you can use the time to catch up with friends and family. Expect to wait an hour though – I call it Swahili time – but the food is definitely worth the wait. Zanzibari food is similar to Durban Indian food but it’s much more mildly spiced. The restaurant only takes cash or adds the bill to your room if you prefer to pay by credit card. They actually have quite a cool tipping policy. If you pay cash, the waiters get the tip and if you pay by credit card, the tips are settled amongst other hotel staff. I like it as most hotel staff are paid similar rates yet waiters get all our tips and not the other staff that helped prepare our meals or make our stay pleasant.

Back at the hotel room, it was a simple and clean room. The bed and chairs weren’t that comfy and the balcony was a waste because there were bugs waiting to come into the room. What the room lacked in terms of luxury, it made up for in décor. There were woven laundry bags and hangers made from some sort of leaves hanging in the room. Fresh flowers and leaves were placed on the pillows and elsewhere in the room which extends the atmosphere of the environment outside into the room. Outside the hotel buildings, there was tons of greenery. The palm trees and other plants and flowers growing in abundance kept in theme with the island.

Breakfast was served in a little lapa on the beach. Even if breakfast isn’t your thing, just gazing into the horizon across to Prison Island is mesmerising and enough to start your day in a happy mood.

The hotel can organise tours in and around Zanzibar. As tour “companies” come a dime a dozen in Zanzibar with lower prices than what the hotel offers, you can negotiate with the hotel on price. It probably won’t be as cheap as what the man on the street can offer but you can pay less for a professional tour.

Overall, Mtoni Marine was great for my 24 hours that I had to spend in Zanzibar. I would definitely return if I had to stay for a short while however for a relaxing beach holiday, I’d probably choose a more luxurious hotel or resort with a secluded beach.