How I succeeded at breastfeeding

I read everything. I read about breastfeeding when I was pregnant too but experiencing it was something else. 4 months later, Squeak and I are still going strong but that's not without a lot of support. Here's how I made it work for me and you can too.

You first need to educate yourself. Find out what breastfeeding is all about and the benefits of breast milk on both mommy and baby. It was a no brainer for me to breastfeed purely because it's a natural act. The human race survived and thrived with mother's milk as a foundation. Why would my choice be any different.

Next, create a support group for yourself. I didn't have many mother friends and the few that I had, jumped on the formula wagon pretty early on. Online, I found moms on Twitter that DM'ed advice on preparing for breastfeeding, bloggers who honestly shared their journeys and a La Leche League Facebook group that helped me when I wasn't sure if things were normal. Most importantly, this online circle encouraged me when I was despondent and boosted my confidence as a mother. 

Get help! My baby latched on like a champ but many don't. The nurses at the hospital were so helpful in getting Squeak to latch on in so many different positions. I had a lactation consultant help show me how to make latching easier for him. And because I'm paranoid, I had the nurses at the vaccination clinic check out our booby time and a group of La Leche League ladies at one of their meetings.

Before I went into hospital, one of the online moms advised me to insist on doing immediate skin-to-skin and rooming in with my baby. Keeping your baby as close to you as possible and frequent feeding will boost your milk production and help you both conquer the lactation learning curve.

Once my milk came in, my boobs were all sorts of uncomfortable. I found relief in breast shells and nipple cream. This combination soothed my nipples and kept them from rubbing against my clothing and making it more uncomfortable for me.

I hated night feeds. I was so sleep deprived and getting up to feed a crying baby was painful from my c-section. And then I found out how much easier it was to keep Squeak next to me at night and feed him lying down. Best decision ever for us all to get better sleep.

The Husband was super involved in breastfeeding. He would hand me water and snacks, make me comfortable with cushions and sometimes just sit with me to keep me company. When Squeak wanted boob just as I was about to eat, The Husband would feed me. If your partner is supportive of breastfeeding, you'll be more inclined to see it through.

Three months of doing it and my number 1 tip is to forget about the horror stories. Knowledge is power but don't stress on what might not happen. I didn't get bleeding nipples or breast infections so don't let other people's horror stories deter you from breastfeeding. Each woman's breastfeeding journey is unique. Hopefully my tips will help you succeed. If you have successfully breastfed, what tips do you have to offer?

Driving alone with a baby should be illegal

Squeak's first car ride was when we brought him home from hospital. The scrawny little thing barely fitted in the newborn setting of the car seat but we strapped him in tight. Nervously, The Husband drove off following every precaution to ensure we transported our precious cargo safely.

Soon after that Squeak accompanied me to necessary doctors' visits and for all of those outings, I drove alone with Squeak in the backseat.

I was super prepared, diaper bag and handbag all packed and in the car ahead of time. All I needed was a freshly changed and well fed baby. But the moment I put him in the car, he would wail. The poor baby didn't know where he was or why he was alone. He'd scream for someone to save him.

Four months later, nothing has changed. Some days, he might have a little snooze once we hit the highway. Other days, he'd scream his head off for the entire duration of the car ride until we reached our destination and I rush to the backseat to cuddle him.

I sound so understanding of my baby but it's a stressful drive and every time I get behind the wheel, I can't help but think that driving with a baby should be illegal.

As a new mother, I am not programmed to ignore the sound of my baby crying. From the driver's seat, I try everything to soothe him. I play music while navigating the route, talk to him while waiting for the traffic signal to change, sing while overtaking so I can get home faster. When the screams get louder or there is sudden silence, I try to look back at him wondering if he is not strapped in too tight or whether he stopped breathing. I should be looking ahead at the road!

We have so many rules to ensure road safety. Don't text and drive - one look away from the road could be fatal. Don't hold your cell phone to your ear so you can act quickly when you are not distracted. Take frequent breaks during long trips so you don't fall asleep at the wheel.

Driving alone with the baby brings all these risks and more in one drive. I take my eyes off the road to look at the baby. I am distracted by his constant crying. I am an exhausted sleep deprived new mom.

It's not just people texting and driving, unruly taxi drivers and fatigued truck drivers that we should be wary off. Moms driving alone with their babies are also a hazard on the road.

The motherhood paradox

I'm at Squeak's beck and call. I attend to his cries immediately. I used to take him with me wherever I went because I knew Squeak wouldn't survive without his boobies.

To the outsider, it looks like I'm that mom who never wants to leave her child. And it's true; I don't. But caring for Squeak is also a chore that I've had to do ever since he was born. That chore soon became tasks that I enjoyed doing.

But there are things that I just have to do without Squeak. I've been trying to get him to take a bottle and the easiest way to do that is to have someone else do it. If I'm within seeing or smelling distance, he will refuse the bottle because well, why must he put strange things in his mouth when the breast is right there.

So off I went to Starbucks before he got hungry. When I told some moms the story, they empathised with pity. "Shame you must have been so heartbroken." "I bet you couldn't think of anything other than your child." "You probably couldn't enjoy yourself."

Actually, I was relieved! For the first time in 4 months, I parked on the opposite end of the mall away from the stores I planned on visiting. I didn't need to map my route of things I needed to do based on stroller navigation. I walked up and down levels several times. I took my time in browsing through the menu and even had time to think about opting for a non traditional milk in my mocha latte. I had my coffee and sandwich at leisure and I could Google and tweet without distractions. I was free!

When I got home, Squeak whimpered at me as if to ask why I left him when he needed me the most. I held him so tight and gave him free reign to my bare chest. As he yelled at my boobs and tried to comfort himself, tears welled up in my eyes. How could I find relief in being away from my child whose only need was to be with me?

Why I choose to cloth diaper

I found out about cloth diapers online, while I was pregnant. I read quite an informative article about it and did more research. Pretty soon, I was learning more on the cloth diapering Facebook pages and attending all sorts of nappy parties and events in preparation for Squeak. Four months later, I feel so confident with cloth diapers. Just another thing I do outside of my circle of friends because people I know don't understand it so this post is to maybe shed some light on my decision. Here are some of the reasons I choose to cloth diaper.

Cost saving People always talk about how expensive babies are. Actually babies are only expensive if you're constantly buying diapers (and formula). Reusing diapers is the perfect way to cut down on diaper costs. Buy a few reusable nappies upfront that can fit your baby from birth and use them up until your child potty trains. In fact, you can use them until your last child potty trains. People who have done the math estimate that disposable diapers cost R20 000 per child! Compare that to R4 000 for a stash of diapers that can be reused for all your children. Diaper rash is much more prevalent with disposables so with cloth diapers, you also save money on bum creams. 

Environmentally friendly   I'm constantly looking for ways to do my bit to not mess up the planet any more than we have. And what better way than to reuse diapers instead of dumping about 12 diapers a day into landfills. Do you know how long it takes for diapers to decompose! 

Gentle on baby's skin Imagine trading your soft cotton undies for something plastic and paper-like filled with a gel to absorb moisture that lets off heat as the chemical by process. Cotton is so much softer and gentler on skin. We are also so careful to use detergents and products that are natural on our babies' skins yet we put chemicals near their genitalia for the sake of convenience. These chemicals have been linked to all sorts of health problems including male infertility.

Supporting small businesses  
Where feasible, I'd rather support a mom making nappies to support her family than throw my money at the big guys. So the big guys can keep making products cheaper with inferior ingredients that are not properly tested and marketed so well that consumers believe things like its ok to leave your child in a chemical filled diaper for 12 hours! 

Cute little bums
Kids are darn cute but how much better would they look without paper and plastic butts. People go wild with all sorts of cute nappies. My sister-in-law even approves of the Harry Potter prints.

No poonamis The first time it happened, it hit me by surprise. I was innocently changing Squeak at my sister-in-law's place. I took out the disposable, wiped him clean and then realised that further away from his bum was still a yellowy gooey mess. Lo and behold! A trail of newborn shit all the way up to his neck! We've had lots of pretty big poops since. Thankfully, the cloth diapers contained it all.

That's why I use cloth diapers. I'm more than happy to answer any questions you have or chat more about your thoughts on this. Do you use cloth diaper? If so, why? If not, why not?

The silent battle

I read the story of the new mom who seemed so happy with her perfect family life. And then one day, she dropped off her 4 and a half month old daughter at daycare, drove to a secluded area and killed herself. Allison Goldstein wrote a goodbye letter apologising for the pain she could no longer bear from what everyone refers to as her silent battle with postpartum depression.

When I read about Allison, it broke my heart. I cannot imagine what she must have gone through to have to end her life for the pain to go away.

Perhaps I am just well read on postpartum depression but I know how common it is and that all you need to do is ask for help - if you are in the right frame of mind to do so. With a sudden influx of abnormal hormones making you question your own feelings, it's also so important to have support. From the time that The Husband noticed the toll that motherhood took on me, he has kept telling me about the resources available if I felt that I couldn't talk to him.

The silent part of Allison's suffering is so descriptive of all the negative parts of motherhood. Nothing could have prepared me for just how drastically life changed with a newborn. The raging storm of hormones is actually what causes PPD and luckily I didn't have that problem. But I did have feelings of being overwhelmed, feeling worthless and wishing I hadn't taken this step into motherhood. The biggest problem was actually talking about it and realising that no one else feels or has felt that way. And when I encountered that, it was so easy to feel withdrawn and rather tell everyone that everything is ok when they asked.


People want that mother who talks about how her child is a blessing from God. The mother that hides the bags under her eyes with her makeup and makes motherhood seem like a breeze. They don't want me - the mother who steps out of the house without having a shower with tell-tale breastmilk stains on her shirt and talks about how she can't get her baby to stop crying.

And so I write about it hoping someone else who feels this way knows that it's normal. Our version of normal anyway. I was exhausted when Squeak was born. I still am. I don't understand the bundle-of-joy type happiness that people say it is. It's a job - a tiring job that I have to do. I'm convinced mothers lie to themselves about how happy they are. It's a coping mechanism. 

And if you are like me, it's ok. There's no joy in motherhood. Caring for a baby around the clock is exhausting. Sleep deprivation makes me a miserable person. The truth is I hate motherhood. People say it will get better and it has but it doesn't make the tough times easy when you're in it.

Then there is the guilt. Oh the guilt of saying out loud that I hate motherhood.

Not every mother fits that perfect mould we expect her to be in. There are mothers out there fighting their own silent battles. Let's make it easier for them. Let's talk about how bad it is. Let's ask her how she is really feeling. Let's talk about professional help if she needs it. Let's not put mothers in a position where her only option is to take her life.