This weekend I saw the ultimate concert – U2 360 tour J. Amidst a lot of blunders and waiting periods, I realised that it would be helpful to jot down some tips to make the most of future rock concerts that I might attend. Who better to pen these tips than me – with my limited rock concert experience and my propensity for bad luck to follow me around like a dark cloud.

The most important piece of advice I have is: don’t forget your ticket. Maybe it’s just me who forgets things all the time but driving halfway through the city only to have this nagging feeling that I left something at home is not the way to emotionally prepare yourself for one of the amazing bands of all time…especially when retrieving my ticket involves walking up two flights of stairs.

Now I live in my heels so naturally I go everywhere wearing them; so I’ve learnt the hard way that walking a good distance from the parking lot to the venue and then standing and jumping up and down for hours is not very pleasant on your little feet. Appropriate dress is key but while you’re comfortable in your jeans, t-shirt and sneakers, remember that this is a huge event so bring out your inner rock star and don that rock look on cos the older you get the more likely it is that you aint gonna be able to pull off a punk rock look anywhere else.

Speaking of getting older, perhaps I’m too young to understand or just not in the right phase of my life yet but is it really appropriate to bring little kids to a concert – especially one that is going to be completely wasted on them? Ten year olds don’t know who Bono is and I don’t think they’re going to remember the awesomeness that was the claw. That being said, I’m not gonna waste a grand on my kid who is going to be tired and irritable, doesn’t have the patience to walk or stand in a crowd, feels hungry and needs to use the bathroom at all odd times during the most exciting parts of the concert. Kids also have a tendency to bother other people around them who don’t want kids near them so get a babysitter.

Very often you’re surrounded by swarms of people (and sometimes kids) especially if the concert you’re attending has sold 98 000 tickets. Queues are inevitable and so is waiting in close proximity to strangers. I think it might be the ideal opportunity to practise a little bit of queue etiquette. Rule number 1: do not attempt to cut the queue if people have been waiting there for an hour already. Not only is it unfair but people get cranky and somebody might injure you for trying to get ahead. Rule number 2: even if the weather looks deceptively overcast, carry some deodorant in your bag of things. If I’m not mistaken, sharing your BO is an infringement on other people’s basic human rights. Rule number 3: surely there’s some law that says you shouldn’t smoke within close proximity of other humans that want to spare their lungs from the torment of cancer. I have lots of smoker friends who believe they have the right to smoke where they want and if you don’t like it then you should leave. Let’s face it, in an environment where there’s one smoker out of a thousand, you’re kind of out-numbered and you’re making the queuing in the hot sun even more unbearable. Rule number 4: I don’t care what your culture or race is but if the person you’re talking to is standing right next to you, how about not yelling at the top of your lungs. We’re all here to have fun and pleasant banter around you just adds to the ambience but talking that loudly – is it really necessary?

And when those people in the queue join the rest of audience, there tends to be inappropriate proportion of the number of people to toilets. That is why you need to carry tissues. If you decide to leave your handbag at home, please remember to stuff some tissues into your pockets along with the cash you have to buy drinks that lead you to use the bathroom frequently. Toilet paper has the tendency to run out and no girl likes to drip dry.

In the event of a concert held at a stadium, if you can’t get golden circle then rather choose to be in the crowd on the ground instead of the stands. The atmosphere is awesome in the crowds, the tickets are cheaper and everyone has more fun. The stands were meant for old people who can’t jump around and scream like they used to.

And above all, have fun. Road trip there, eats loads of junk and pee on the side of the road if you want to. Make it memorable - take pics like a Japanese tourist. Profess your groupie status to random people. Scream at the top of your lungs. Smile through all the blunders because having and making your own fun is how you truly rock at a concert. 

Are there any tips you’d like to add?

Set in the 1880’s, a superb book written in the vernacular from along the Mississippi River features Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer and Nigger Jim. Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn has been received for over 120 years with a lot of controversy and debate. Perhaps the negativity surrounding the book is due to fear, empathy, hate or simply the inability to understand a great piece of literature as a whole.



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In the 1880’s, blacks were treated as sub human by whites. As a result, segregation, racial prejudice and lynching ensued. Jim is depicted as a good person looking for freedom from slavery. Huckleberry Finn is a young boy who struggles his conscience of helping his newly found friend, Jim, to escape by essentially stealing someone else’s property. The book is filled with lots of adventure, the sad tales of Jim’s life as a slave and the changing mindset of Huck Finn’s understanding of slaves and black people.

Jim’s character was created to humanise slaves so that the reader understands what they go through and what they want from life. Indeed, the book is filled with stereotypes and rightly so as the reader escapes into the 1880’s. Words that are considered derogatory in the current day as well as in the setting of the book are littered throughout. And why not? The n-word was commonly used back then. It was intended to be a derogatory term and its connotation has remained until today.

The book has been deemed racist and offensive. It’s been banned from libraries and schools over the years for many reasons: for the unique vernacular style of writing, for depicting Jim as a nice black man, for the story being outdated and for the use of offensive language.

This year a new version will be released where the n-word is replaced by “slave”. This means that the book can be taught at school. Brilliant, isn’t it? Remove racial slurs and still teach kids about American history. All the while, popular rap artists like Drake, Lil Wayne, Kanye West and Snoop Dogg use the n-word in their songs. This makes the word more accessible to white children and it offends black people when white kids use it. Popular culture doesn’t teach us why the word is offensive. And now, Mark Twain’s works won’t teach this to us either. So we can keep children from reading the n-word in Adventures of Huckleberry Finn but how do we keep out the n-word from the music that young people listen to?

People of varying cultures feel uneasy when teaching the book and reading from it. Why? Because of racial slurs? Really? You’re going to be offended because Jim is referred to as a nigger and not be offended by the fact that he could have been sold for $40? Does the use of the word offend you? Then how do you think Jim felt when he was not only humiliated but also owned? That’s right – we’re teaching children to feel hurt when they hear a word that they don’t even know the meaning of; instead of teaching them how not to treat different people and that “all human beings are born free and equal” – Article 1 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights. A round of applause to the decision makers of the American education system!

The book in no way promotes racism but rather uses entertainment to inform people of what was happening. Maybe at the time, Twain wanted us to see life through different eyes. After all, it’s very easy to hate a race when they don’t seem human to you and you’ve been brainwashed into believing the propagated lies.

Well, no amount of logical complaining is going to prevent the sanitisation of the book. It’s done. And what’s next: Catcher in the Rye, To Kill a Mocking Bird, The Colour Purple? Books that don’t promote hate but rather capture scenes from history. Let us ban these books from school curriculums, shall we? There goes artistic freedom. And there goes the right to teach children the history and the human evolution of the mind, thoughts and ideals.  

I’m curious about what it is that we’re really afraid of. Are we really scared to expose our children to offensive language or are we really that ashamed of our history that we don’t want them to know where they came from? Let us remember the mistakes of the past lest we forget what we learnt from them.

I chatted with a friend today who was quite upset because she and her husband were having a little fight. Concerned, I probed further. Turns out she’s not happy because he’s not spending enough time with her. 

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Her husband has allegedly ditched her for soccer and an afternoon of friendly poker and comes home late every day. The boys get together to play soccer for a few hours on Saturdays and on some Sundays they spend the afternoon playing poker at their place. During the weekdays, work pressures only allow him to get home at 18:30 – hardly late by my standards but nevertheless this only allows for a few hours of quality time.

Suddenly, I understood. It’s not that he is intentionally not willing to spend time with her. He just wants to play soccer, poker and has to work an hour extra. The problem is that she doesn’t have anything to do but sit and wait for him while he’s working late or spending a few hours with the boys.

This is so common amongst women everywhere. They find a man and suddenly the life they lived before him doesn’t exist anymore. They spend every waking moment doting over their significant other as they duly settle down. I don’t necessarily think this is unhealthy. These women choose to become more wifely, to see to their beau’s needs and to be constantly surrounded by the one they love.

What is unhealthy is when the guy decides that he wants to spend some reasonable time with his friends. I’m not talking about trips to a strip club, drinking sprees at the local bar and whatever other mischief guys get up to. I’m talking about playing soccer for a few hours and coming back home tired from the game. Does that really warrant an upset girlfriend or wife?

I think the problem lays with the girls who let themselves sit at home waiting. How important can a man be that you put your whole life on hold when he isn’t around? What about spending some me-time at the spa? Embracing your solitude with a good book? Brunch with your friends? Instead she insists on missing him tremendously. Understandably so, when you’ve created a life where you’re both inseparable.

My view is that couples need to have some healthy apart time – even if it is just to truly appreciate each other when they’re together. What are your thoughts?

Rivonia Road is surrounded by the residential suburbs of Rivonia, Morningside, Sunninghill, Paulshof, Woodmead and Bryanston. It’s a very busy road with schools, shopping centres and restaurants on and just off it. I travel down that road quite often. Some of things that stand out for me are The Grand’s beautiful building, their little video advertisement and the Teazers’ billboards.

Teazers’ billboards have been in the limelight for the past couple of years, mostly due to complaints about their billboards being in bad taste by objectifying and demeaning women. The Advertising Standards Authority looked into these complaints a while back and of the six billboards in question, only one of them was deemed too sexual in nature and had to be removed. This ruling in Teazers’ favour tells us that freedom of expression is still alive and well in South Africa.

I happen to like those billboards. Their ads are always cleverly put together, well worded, and have good models and quality graphics. One of my favourites was a rather conservative ad. The woman wasn’t scantily clad and the wording had no implication of sex whatsoever. It was a picture of the street where a Teazers billboard had the “ASA banned” banner covering it. The words were cleverly aligned to read, “Come see our ‘ASA banned’ girls”. Contrary to the complaints that probed the ASA investigation, I thought that billboard was very classy, in good taste and quite funny.

My concern isn’t about self-conscious (or self-righteous) women who are uncomfortable with the billboards; it’s really about the kids. Rivonia Road is en route to many child friendly places. Suburbs are nearby and so are schools and shopping centres. Children will notice the billboard. The famous one that comes to mind is the “No need for Gender Testing!” billboard that had a woman lying naked on her back with only her arms strategically crossed to cover her girly parts. This model was practically nude and displayed out in the open for everyone to see. I wonder what it is that children understand about these ads?

I’m glad I am not a parent because I don’t know how I’d go about explaining that to a curious child. A lot of my friends cringe when they cart around kids where strip club ads are displayed. Anyone concerned about little ones wants to protect them from getting the idea that women are seen as nothing more than objects for the satisfaction of male pleasure. We also want to protect their “innocence” from knowing what the billboard is advertising – what they are trying to sell.

Children are exposed to a lot as it is. Raunchy music videos mimicking sexual acts are displayed on TV which is easily accessible to children. Surely this is far more damaging than a Teazers’ billboard? I once had a nine-year old girl say to me, “Do you know that Rihanna’s lesbian? Haven’t you seen her Te Amo video? She has come out!” I didn’t know to tell this little girl that Rihanna’s not quite lesbian.

Sex is implied in the lyrics of songs that are played on the radio. Some popular songs aren’t given airtime on the radio due to its sexual content. I’ve never heard Lil Jon’s Get Low or Jeremih’s Birthday Sex on the radio yet a beautifully romantic song by Ne-yo, When You’re Mad, is being played during the time that children are being driven to school on a popular radio station. What do children think when part of the hook of the song is: Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose, when you make your angry face that makes me wanna just take off all your clothes and sex you all over the place?

Sex sells and is prominently displayed on billboards and various forms of print and media advertising by other companies too. Calvin Klein’s received some flak for an ad where a sexy girl was being held down by a couple of guys wearing only CK jeans. The complaints were that it alluded to gang rape even without any nudity on it. Children also saw this ad and would be able to conclude that a girl is being held down by a couple of guys against her will.

Even GodFirst Church put up a billboard simply stating, “Jozi loves sex. God loves sex. Let’s talk.” After the initial shock of not expecting to associate that phrase with a church, it eventually dawns that the church is trying to send the message that sex isn’t dirty and sleazy. ‘God created it so come to church to find out how he intended for sex to be enjoyed’ – that is how it was probably intended to be interpreted. This was the church’s way of urging young people to come to church to tell them about immoral and moral sex from the Bible’s standpoint. Young children who couldn’t yet read weren’t affected by the billboard. The message that teens and pre-teens must have mistakenly gotten is that God says that sex is OK. The sex that pre-teens and teens are currently exposed to is pre-marital sex, pressure for young girls to lose their virginity and the risk of being labelled uncool if not sexually active. Therefore, teens and pre-teens may assume that the billboard implies that God believes that it is fine to have this sex that they are exposed – contrary to what their parents may have instilled.

The Love Life campaigns invested heavily in advertising to promote the ABC of sex to prevent teens from contracting HIV. A few years into their campaigns, surveys showed that their target market didn’t actually understand their advertising. The same can be assumed for the GodFirst Church’s billboard.

So what is the solution to protecting children’s innocent eyes from the degradation of women and from assuming that sex is this wonderful thing that needs to happen right now? Banning of sexually offensive advertisements?

Offensive is quite a subjective term. I happen to think that the Lollipop Lounge billboard where a girl is licking on a lollipop and the phrase says, “Come treat your lolli,” is far more offensive than the Teazers’ billboards that I’ve seen, yet others have said that children wouldn’t understand the phrase and the billboard hasn’t displayed any signs of negative sexual depiction of women.

Banning these ads would also impact their freedom of expression. Companies have previously been banned from advertising. The tobacco industry comes to mind. Cigarette companies aren’t even allowed to sponsor events anymore as it is seen as a form of advertising their products. It’s not only about the misleading print ads that cigarettes are fun and not harmful to your health; it was also that the mention of the cigarette companies may lead more people to buy a product that may lead to cancer. Cigarette packs have since added health warnings to their packs and are still not allowed their freedom of expression. The reason for the ban is based on the assumed health benefits of the country as a whole.

So, if British American Tobacco can’t advertise their products, surely it is possible to ban strip club advertisements on similar grounds. The illustration of women as sexual objects is dangerous in a country when one in two of its women will be raped in her lifetime. Are we teaching little boys that women belong in lingerie and high heels and shouldn’t be respected otherwise? Portraying the casualness of sex isn’t wise in a country that contains the highest population of people living with HIV/AIDS.

A Teazers billboard in the residential Midrand suburb

I don’t think the answer lies in preventing strip clubs to advertise a legal business. Regardless of whether Teazers puts up an ad with the view of a naked woman’s side profile, there has been an infiltration of varied sexual messages and it will continue to grow. The president of the country continues to have unsafe casual sex – we see the proof in his growing number of illegitimate kids – and has been accused of rape. The media is filled with messages we don’t want our children to hear or see and it is extremely difficult to hide it from them. We’re not going to be able to stop this anytime soon unless President Zuma decides to run South Africa as a dictatorship, where privileges to all forms of communication to the outside world may need to be revoked in order to censor offensive material.

Perhaps, instead of cringing at the site of a raunchy ad, we explain what it means to children. When they ask what that scantily-clad woman is trying to sell, tell them that Teazers is a place where women dance. Tell them that you don’t go there because these women dance naked and why you disapprove. Tell them that some of these girls do this for a living not because they enjoy it but because they can’t find any other employment to survive or take care of their families. Tell them that the billboards are a way to let people know that people will see these ladies if they go to the club. Tell them that some men want to see this but that doesn’t mean that girls need to dance without their clothes on. And while, you’re telling them all this, take a closer listen to the lyrical content of your kids’ ipods, watch the movies they’re interested in, look at the story-line of their favourite TV shows, ask them what they think about the articles in teen magazines and talk to them.

We can’t protect our children from everything. What we can do is assist them in seeing the bigger picture and guiding them in how they should perceive these messages by using our own values and principles to channel the discussions. Only by talking about it, will we be able to undo whatever harm is done to these little kids’ minds. Ignoring it breeds future destructive behaviour.

I took a drive to Galleria to pick up some groceries today. While I was there, I realised that I needed an iron so I stepped into a few stores to compare prices of their irons. The iron I wanted was ridiculously priced at R229 so I decided to check out the price at Checkers where I was going to get my groceries.

As I did my shopping, I spotted the aisle with small appliances. I walked all the way past appliances the various appliances and at the end of the little aisle, I saw a little range of irons. Right there, I spotted the Russell Hobbs iron I wanted. The price tag said R179. Can you say, “Bargain”? Excitedly, I popped it into my basket and happily went off to complete the rest of my shopping.

I get to the till with the usual wait in a queue and once it was my turn to be served, I put all my items on the counter. I paid special attention to the price that was scanned for the iron. To my surprise, the iron scans in at R199. R20 more. It’s the incorrect price and had I seen that price on the shelf, I wouldn’t have taken the iron.

Having worked as a cashier at Trade Centre in Durban, I’m well aware that often old shelf-talkers aren't removed from the shelves and up-to-date pricing isn't captured on the point of sale systems so I informed the cashier that it isn’t the price I saw on the shelf. She told the lady helping to pack my groceries to fetch the shelf talker. Minutes later, she arrives with a shelf-talker that says the iron is R199.

The old saying is true, if you need something done right, do it yourself. So I took the packer to the shelf where we spent a good couple of minutes trying to take the price sticker which I had initially seen off. After ruining my French manicure tips, we got the price tag off and took it to the cashier. And I waited…

A few useless people came by to see what the problem was and they were of no help. So we waited some more…

Eventually, a long-haired manager called Lenny, came to us. After I told the story for the fourth time, he looked at me and said that the price is R199 and that I saw an old price so I need to pay the new price. Shocked at his nonchalance, I asked him if he really was a manager which he then affirmed. After spending about 25 minutes at that till, I got irritated. I asked him how he could be a manager and not understand that a customer saw a price on the shelf, wants the item for that price and is rightfully annoyed when a higher price shows up at the till. Before I could ask for the general manager, he eventually just said that he’ll give to me for the price I saw. He was kind enough to add that it’s not correct for him to do so; as if this whole incident was my fault!

Another advantage of having worked at Trade Centre is that I was afforded many opportunities to see first-hand how the incorrect pricing is overcome and how to deal with irate customers. Being the customer in this instance, I have a few problems with this incident.

False advertising: I’m led to believe that the iron is reasonably priced so I pop it into my trolley. Most customers are too busy loading their groceries onto the counter to look at the prices that come up on the screen at the till so how many times has Checkers robbed us? You buy items that you think are cheap and it’s not the same price at the till but because you’re too busy unpacking your goods, you fail to notice this. My groceries amounted to R300 and I would have been robbed of R20. How do you know whether Checkers is robbing you of R200 when you do your grocery shopping that amounts to R3000?

Long queues: there are over 30 tills at Checkers in Galleria. On one of the busiest days in the year, New Year’s Eve, there weren’t any trolleys or baskets available – that’s how full and busy the store was. On this day, less than half of these tills were in use. Forgive my ignorance, but why has Checkers chosen to build more than 30 tills that they are not using? To make people believe that this store is different – you’re not going to stand in long queues – your shopping experience will be a pleasure. Today, I had a bit of a wait for the cashier but we’ve grown so accustomed to waiting that this is normal for us and not something to complain about.

Unfriendly cashiers: usually the only person a customer interacts with at a store is the cashier. To us, the cashier is Checkers. Is it too difficult to greet the customer, smile and ask them how they are doing? Instead we’re treated with a sullen face asking, “paa-keet?” When the issue of the price came up, the cashier spoke to the person helping her to pack in Zulu and didn’t inform me of what’s going on. Even worse, there was a growing queue behind me. No apologies were made either.

Unnecessary staff: a few people came to see what the hold-up was – till supervisors I assume. The till supervisors weren’t any friendlier than the cashier and didn’t offer any support. So what’s the point of employing supervisors if they’re just gonna listen to your story and not do anything about it. Get rid of supervisors and give the added responsibility and pay to the managers. From what I’ve seen, the managers are actually good for something; supervisors, on the other hand, just walk around. Funnily enough, in South Africa, supervising is considered skilled labour – amazing that walking, listening and doing nothing is a skill.

Managers who don’t understand customer centricity: when I say manager, I’m really not talking about someone who has studied business and understands that customer is king. These managers at Checkers probably worked their way up in an environment that thrived on the bad customer that South Africans are used to. No wonder Mr Lenny Basassi (or whatever his name is) showed no compassion and treated me as if I was wrong.

A waste of my time: I spent about half an hour standing there getting frustrated when I could have been doing something better with my time for a mere R20.

But it’s not about the R20. It’s about bad customer service! You’re never treated like a human being, no one apologises for wasting your time, dare point out inefficiencies and you’re told that you’re wrong by management while unnecessary staff prance around to make the store look busy. I wonder if this is the culture that Whitey Basson is entrenching in his staff.

At the end of the day, customers just want a pleasurable service. Is it too much to ask for friendly assistance? It’s not about the price. It’s about the service and the way it was handled. What about a simple apology for time wasted? Oh how about putting up the correct price for customers to understand the cost of their purchases to avoid awkward scenes at the till. Yes, Checkers – making it better and better.

Every year, on New Year’s Eve, we look back on the year; look at the accomplishments and setbacks. Then we take stock of all that we want to change and set a list of New Year’s resolutions. After the celebrations are over and normality sets in, the first week of January sees many people striving to achieve their resolution. By March, the resolutions are long forgotten.

Why? Is it a lack of willpower to achieve the goals we set out? Probably not. We set goals in everything we do: passing an exam, completing a task at work on time, hosting a dinner party – and we generally complete them successfully.

Maybe the resolutions we set are inherently difficult to achieve. Or maybe they are resolutions that you didn’t want to make in the first place. So here’s my guide on examples of resolutions that you want to set and one’s you should stay far away from.

Resolutions to throw out the window

1.       Lose weight

South Africa is said to be the third fattest nation so it probably tops many resolution lists and is the one that generally fails first. Sweating on a treadmill isn’t fun especially when you’re guilt-tripping yourself about pigging out during the festive season. The gym is a depressing place to be: the machines are overwhelming, you look silly trying to figure it all out, you sweat like a pig, muscles ache, and you don’t see the results until months of working at it. Rather convince a friend to join you to keep you going if you really want to do this.

2.       Quit smoking

Be honest, how many times have you stopped smoking and then started again a few months later? Then what makes you think it’s going to work this year? First figure whether you really want to quit. Most smokers really enjoy a cigarette with a drink, with a friend, after a meal – well, they just generally enjoy smoking so until you can truly say that the health benefits outweigh the pleasure of smoking, save this resolution for another year. It will be easier when you really want to.

3.       Be more healthy

I don’t understand why anyone would pick a side salad to add to their main meal instead of deep-fried golden crispy chips. The right foods help with weight loss and curb diseases but only if you’re consistent with a well-balanced diet. Some don’t take sugar in their hot beverages because sugar is bad for you but an apple has a lot more sugar than that. The majority of us love everything that is bad for us – but why not? Everything in moderation, I say. Life is short, eat what tastes good and enjoy it.

4.       Get out of debt

What? Ok, maybe you shouldn’t have ten maxed out credit cards although the banks are making this impossible. Surely, life’s more enjoyable cruising around in a car with a loan taken from the bank than walking around saving up for one to pay for with cash?

5.       Quit drinking

This one was probably made while recovering from the hangover of the year or in retrospect of the mess your drunken nights have gotten you into. So you had a brush with the law, dented your car, threw up in a club and went home with a stranger? Heavy drinkers fail to quit cold-turkey and stress is a lot more difficult to deal with without something to drown your sorrows in? Drink so you don’t take up regular weed smoking to deal with it.

6.       De-clutter

Organising your office and home takes up time and is boring. If you’ve got the time to do it, go right ahead. Chances are you’ll quit once you have one rubbish bag filled with things that need to be thrown out. Rather schedule no more than an hour on separate days to spend on each room in your house and once you’re done organising the little you can, treat yourself to an ice-cream. You’ll definitely deserve it.

Resolutions worth keeping

1.       Spend more time with family and friends

Work isn’t that important. Yeah, we need to work hard to pay the bills and be able to live a certain lifestyle but what’s the point of working so hard that you don’t even get to enjoy life. Free up your evenings and weekends for me-time and to spend with family and friends. Have fun with the people that matter the most to you and spoil them so they know they are appreciated.

2.       Volunteering

Time is scarce and if you have some to spare, use it to help those less fortunate than you. Play with orphaned kids or get some friends together to speak to South Africa’s future leaders about work and study options to uplift them. If you’re too busy, donate some money to a good cause instead.

3.       Take up a hobby

Most of us are stuck in an unsatisfying job in order to earn a living and our hearts lie somewhere else – something that doesn’t easily make us money but where we would easily be content for eight hours a day. If you don’t know what truly makes you happy, look back into your childhood and remember what you enjoyed doing. Maybe it was collecting or painting. Make the time, one night a week, to spend on something other than work and family. Read more, take up guitar lessons or learn a new language. 

4.       Have fun

A average weekday is spent waking up to go to work and coming back way too tired to do anything but recharge for the next day. This continues until the weekend comes, when we have the time yet we’re caught up with errands and pretty soon, Monday mornings wakes us up. The better part of our lives is spent working. We need to enjoy life and have fun. Have fun at work, spoil yourself with a few hours at the spa, play a video game with your brother, take your kids to the zoo and stop stressing – pretty soon 2012 will be here and you will look back at 2011 and wonder why you didn’t spend enough time enjoy the little things in life.

New Year’s resolutions were popular when I was growing up. I think I’ve made a few resolutions through the years but I can’t remember any of them. I probably resolved to study harder yet I don't think I ever followed through on them.

Last December, my mother thought I was pregnant after I piled on 13 kilos. Since then I resolved to lose the weight. Prior to that, I tried tennis, jogging and gym and I hated those forms of physical torture. I would come out sweating, in pain and finding it difficult to catch my breath. I knew there and then that gym was not for me. I also love food too much to diet so I was doomed to growing fatter and fatter.

I tried out pole dancing once and I loved that to bits. My muscles were screaming in pain after I tried out the first fitness class but the excitement of pole-dancing was enough to encourage me to continue doing it. Strength exercising with cardio fitness routines two times a week and I got myself an exercise plan. On the 4^th of January, I walked into the dance studio and signed up a twelve month contract. It’s the end of 2010 and I’m still going strong. I lost the pregnant tummy and the huge butt and I now have the perfect bikini body. I’m not giving anyone an excuse to mistakenly think I’m pregnant anymore. And because I pay for it every month, I’ve been to almost all my classes including the ones that make me break out in a sweat.

It wasn’t always easy. I had a job that assumed I didn’t have a personal life. Leaving work at 4:30 on Mondays and Wednesdays weren’t easy and being busy on those evenings meant missing out on mid-week drinks that some of my friends like to have. Well on 10^th January 2011, I’m going to sign another 12 month contract. It’s no longer about losing weight or keeping it off – I know simply love the dancing.

That was a New Year’s resolution well planned and attained. I’m quite chuffed with myself. So now I’m wondering what else I need to work on with the same vigour. I noticed late this year that I stopped writing. I set up my blog this month to start writing. So my aim for 2011 is to maintain this blog in the hopes to regain a passion long lost.

Making resolutions stick is tough but losing weight worked easily because I just scheduled time for travel and classes in my diary for Monday and Wednesday nights. I’m going to do the same for blog. I initially wanted to write something every day but I don’t think juggling work, dancing and my social life will accommodate that so once a week’s a fair deal. I’ve put it into my diary and Tuesday nights shall now be blog nights. Done!

I chatted with a single female friend the other day and predictably, the conversation turned into men; or rather the lack of a boyfriend. Have you met someone while in Durban? I’m at a wedding and there’s no one of interest there. The more single girls I meet, the more I realise with relief that I’m not the only one without a boyfriend and the more I realise how much pressure society puts on women to fit the mould of being married and raising the perfect kids in a house with a rose bush in the garden enclosed by a white picket fence.

In my traditional Indian family, all my female cousins have been married by the time they were 23, including the cousins who is my age. At 25, I don’t have a boyfriend and therefore I have no marriage plans for at least the next two years. I’m constantly questioned about my love life from my mother and the extended family. Understandably, they are concerned. After all, I am getting older.

Facebook is filled with girl friends from school whose last names have changed and photos of babies are uploaded every week. Getting married and having kids is what you do in the suburb I grew up in. Studying and having a career is a bit unheard of.

My varsity friends are more the type to understand that young people aren’t just rushing into marriage anymore yet more and more of them upload wedding photos on Facebook and change their relationship statuses to married.

I cringe when bumping into my friends from school and university as the catch-up conversation generally revolves around the husband they recently married, the place they’re living in now and how children are on the cards. Then I am asked, “And what about you? How have you been doing? Are you married?” The line of questioning quickly turns to, “But why?” My response of late has been that I just haven’t met him yet.

This morning I stumbled upon a blog entitled Stop Asking My Mom Why I am Single. Melissa Malamut is a 32 year old woman who is tired of her little community asking her mom why she hasn’t found a husband yet. She isn’t against marriage but she does explore the gossip on unmarried women, the rise in divorce rate resulting from young marriages, the reasons she isn’t married to her previous boyfriends and that they are other things on the priority list for women aside from a husband and kids. She concludes with, “The bottom line is that there is no specific reason why a self-proclaimed amazing woman in her thirties isn’t married. Maybe she isn’t sold on the institution of marriage in general? Maybe she’s had one too many broken hearts? Maybe the men she is interested in are not beating down her door? Maybe she doesn’t want to settle for anything less than an extraordinary love? Those may not be everyone’s reasons but they sure are mine. So please, stop asking my mom.”

A lot of single girls can identify with Melissa Malamut’s blog. I’m single. And while I am, I’m going to work on other aspects of my life like my career, spoiling myself and exploring hobbies that I’m passionate about. But what about the single girls who are tired of being alone? What about my friend mentioned in the onset who is tired of looking. She thinks she’s too old to keep waiting for Prince Charming to magically appear and whisk her off to his castle so she’s considering retiring the glass slippers for boots to go on the hunt.

Success is universally measured by the corner office and assets. Success for me is measured by happiness and quality of life. Quality of life is being able to spend time with friends and loved ones, having a beautiful home and being able to do what I want when I want. Yes, money is important but I don’t care much for excessive wealth and advancement of my career isn’t one of my ambitions. I love spending time with friends and spoiling my family and marriage is definitely on my priority list. I’m not unhappy with my life but if I could be transported into a beautiful home, woken up by my doting husband, I would be ecstatic. So, pressure from family and friends aside, what about single girls who genuinely want to be married?

The most common advice is to not think about it and wait. But for how long do you keep waiting for? Someone once told me that if she’s still waiting by 35, she’s going to become a nun.

Makeovers are said to be the best way to get guys attention. Girly magazines, movies and TV promote a well defined body and a pretty face. Looks are considered important but even pretty girls have trouble finding The One.

Go out more. I was once encouraged to join the gym – to work on my physical health by exercising and maybe find a guy there because guys go to the gym. I go out all the time and I keep fit with my dance classes. I don’t even like going to the gym so I refuse to pay gym membership fees solely in the hopes that I will meet someone. I’d rather spend that money on food and drinks at Newscafe and hope our paths cross there.

Sally Gray took matters into her own hands with her TV show How to Find a Husband. At 38, she embarked on 70 dates in 70 days with 50 different guys for the show. Coaching, speed dating, internet dating and blind dates didn’t find her a husband by the end of the show. She eventually got married a few years later. It’s incredible how hard she worked at finding at husband. A classic example of a woman on the hunt…but I don’t want to get married at 40. Did she start hunting for a husband too late?

It appears that waiting for Prince Charming to awaken us with a kiss isn’t working for some women these days. Does that mean we need to keep waiting like Sleeping Beauty? If Sally Gray didn’t try to find a husband, she might have been single at 40. Should we rather wake our inner Sleeping Beauty up and go in search of Prince Charming to remind him that we’re waiting to be swept off our feet? It’s a daunting thought though – where do you start? Of all my couple friends, I don’t know any girls that sought out their partner.  All my chic friends are shy about approaching a guy and the best they’ll do catch the eye of hottie and look away and catch his gaze again. If he’s interested, he’ll approach.

Men complain about the difficulty of meeting women which I really don’t understand. How difficult can it be? Spot a girl, strike up a conversation and ask her out. Men have evolved into the role of the pursuer. They have millennia of experience etched into their chromosomes. For women struggling to find a man, this is the first generation that the struggle exists. Our mothers seem to not be able to understand it. And if men allege that they struggle to speak to women, how are women supposed to do it?

I’m chatty, friendly and quite the extrovert yet I’m still afraid to approach a guy. This seems like the best option yet I don’t know if I can do it so how am I supposed to encourage my friends to do it. It is the advice I gave my friend who asked whether she should start looking for a man. Maybe we should be bolder – not too bold as in walking up to a table that a guy is sitting at but maybe striking a conversation when I’m alone in the lift with a strange man. There’s no harm in trying and I guess we’ll just wait to see if this approach works. If it doesn’t then we can go back to sleep for a hundred years until we’re woken up with a kiss…or woken up for mass at the convent.

I stayed home last night with my mom and sister to watch the latest episode of Dance India Dance. I loved the first season and then the L’il Masters was simply adorable and now there’s Doubles which admittedly didn’t really keep me as entertained. My mother, though, was simply glued to the screen. She loves watching all forms of dance – especially if it is to music that she enjoys so Dance India Dance is perfect for her to watch while relaxing after a hard day’s work.

Music and dance is celebrated in Indian households and my mother comes from a very musically oriented family with her father and brothers able to make and play all sorts of Indian instruments. And whenever there's a family function, my uncles bring out the instruments to play and merrily sing along while my cousins and I start a bhangra to dance. I have no doubt that if money wasn’t tight while growing up, my mom would have sent her two daughters to classical Indian dance and music classes.

Over the past year, I too have appreciated the talent on these shows – the fluidity with which dancers easily transition from one dance movement into another, the technical difficulty that accompanies daring moves as well the entertainment they provide. I appreciate this now because I confess that I began dancing a year ago. It’s been kept a secret though – not something I easily divulge and kept well hidden from my family. My dancing isn’t classical Indian or ballroom or even hip-hop. My dancing involves an air of grace, sex appeal, extreme strength and flexibility – all this on and around a shiny silver pole.

Pole dancing understandably comes with its unique set of prejudices and even though I don’t dance at strip clubs or take off my clothes, it’s a difficult dance form to explain to people of my age, let alone my mother. I’ve already participated in Miss Pole Dance South Africa and I’m loving it more everyday so this certainly isn’t just a passing phase. I wonder whether my mother even knows what pole dancing is and what she would think of my sexy hips circling and the tossing and flicking of my hair that is extensively incorporated into my routines. Would she be as glued to my performance as she is to Dance India Dance?

The responses to the confessions of my hobby are varied. Guys generally seem to be appreciative of the sport – probably because they envision scenes of me scantily clad in a raunchy routine taking the little that I have on off. Some jokingly try to get me to perform a little dance for them.

Older women seem pretty wary of pole dancing because of its origins – and when I try to convince them to come with me to see what it’s about, the answer is a resounding no. Is it society’s view that girls should be prim and proper in the public eye?

I guess the proof is in the pudding. Younger women see how beautifully I’ve lost weight and toned my body; and this is a new craze worldwide to get fit. They also think that it provides amazing techniques to seduce their boyfriends with. A comment that I usually get is that I will someday have a very grateful husband…

And still some look down on it and on the girls who do it. These are the same girls who say they wouldn’t even dance for their own husbands. Perhaps it’s the social norms that place any forms and displays of sexiness as taboo. We love watching singers move sexily in their music videos yet we find it so hard to be able to move like that.

Generally though, when I coerce people into trying certain moves or I point out seemingly impossible moves like hanging on to the pole, upside-down, with only a knee, they do understand the strength required and that’s when some take it seriously.

After a year of trying to keep this secret, I’ve slowly become more at ease when talking to people about something I’m so passionate about. It's not always easy to tell people what I do but I love showing off my dance routines and proving that it isn’t sleazy. They’ll always be people set in their ways that wouldn’t understand and for them I shall keep my lips zipped – like my mother. Confessions, that only time will tell...

Holidays! At long last J. For me it’s a time to relax, get away from my hectic life and chill out with my family. And since I’ve got all this free time, I’m about to re-engage in a passion long lost…

All through high school, I thought of myself as a budding Pulitzer prize-winning writer and then all of a sudden, my life turned into a busy science student working part-time, eager graduate frantically climbing up the corporate ladder and now balancing my career with a busy social schedule. Although, I like to think that I’m pretty happy with the choices I’ve made, I can’t help but wonder whether I should have followed my love of writing after high school instead of trading reading and writing for a less satisfying job with lots of partying.

So I’m creating this blog so I can start writing – about something, anything. I just want to write…and put my thoughts out there. So I hope you enjoy this as I start on my journey…