If you’ve been following my pregnancy blog posts, you’ll know that my bun was a complete surprise. I hadn’t been preparing for pregnancy so when I discovered I was pregnant, I had to move quickly past the shock and denial phase into preparing for the next 9 months…and for life beyond.  Here are my tips on what to do the moment you find out you’re pregnant that should help you through those daunting nine months to come.


1. Create a support system
Soon after we found out we were pregnant, I told a friend, my husband told his work colleagues and we told our immediate families. It didn’t seem like a great idea at the time, with everyone oozing excitement when we hadn’t quite come to terms with our own feelings; but when I became very sick, these were the people we could talk to. My husband had loads of morning sickness advice and our parents kept checking up on us to see if we were ok. 

2. Find a gynae
I am ashamed to admit that I never visited one until six weeks into my pregnancy. I had my annual pap smears done at my GP but I didn’t do any other girly part checks so when I found out that I was pregnant, it was a mad dash to find one. At the hospital closest to me, I found a female gynae which seemed perfect. The only problem is that gynaes get booked fast. She was so busy that she wasn’t taking on any new patients.

I asked one of my friends who just had a baby and she highly recommended her gynae. I managed to get an appointment and decided he was a keeper at my first visit. He had a jovial bedside manner which was exactly what I needed when I was so unsure of my own feelings.

Find out about they gynaecologist’s fees when doing your selection. Mine is very expensive and medical aid only covers about half of his consultation fees but I’m comfortable with him and we can afford it so that’s all that mattered to me. 

3. Revise your medical aid cover
I moved over to my husband’s medical aid shortly after we got married. It was cheaper than mine for better cover but it only covers up to 200% medical aid rates. When you’re in a private hospital, specialists can charge up to 300% medical aid rates so we signed up for top up cover through Admed. They cover what the medical aids don’t during hospital stays. As I understand it, you should not need to pay a cent out of your pocket during delivery. 

4. Get started on pre-natal vitamins
I have to admit that I’m not a fan of vitamins. With a balanced and varied diet, your body will get and absorb all the vitamins it needs. Any more and you just pee it all out. However, most women don’t get a lot of folic acid in their diet which is crucial in preventing early pregnancy birth defects.

I didn’t have a very good diet in my first trimester. I went through phases where I would only eat Lays chips or fish fingers. I’m pretty certain my vitamins helped me get the right nutrients. Who cares about the remainder that I pee’ed out. 

5. Review your fitness regime
I used to be pretty fit with my dance classes. When I found out I was pregnant, I had to do the responsible thing and stop. There were quite a few risks that came with dancing through my bodily changes. It’s also about knowing yourself. I knew that I would ignore my body in the pursuit for more flexibility and mastering certain tricks, so I stopped. I’m not encouraging anyone to stop. In fact, if you haven’t started exercising, you should. I just had health complications that made even simple forms of exercise difficult to do.

6. Track your pregnancy with an app
I use Ovia. It sends you daily emails to remind you of how far along you are with informative articles on symptoms, baby’s development and yours. It’s cute to have around especially if your pregnancy symptoms put a damper on your moods. 

7. Google is your friend
People who scare too easily will tell you not to Google. I like being informed and I’m not going to think I’m dying of some rare disease by reading just one article. Google has helped me with understanding what other women go through and reaffirmed whether my symptoms are normal or not and what I can do about them.

8. Plan a babymoon
We planned a non-pregnant holiday which turned into a fugitive-harbouring trip. Do some research on your symptoms and figure out the best time to travel for you. Then go spend some quality time with your partner. It’ll probably be last holiday where it’s just the two of you. If the baby expenses mean you can’t afford a holiday, how about a staycation? Just take a break from the baby madness and enjoy your time together without baby cries ruining the romance.

9. Shop around for maternity clothes
Unfortunately only the maternity boutiques sell maternity wear so it is going to be expensive. Fortunately, if you watch your weight, you should be able to take your normal clothes through your pregnancy. I was bloated and uncomfortable quite early on in my pregnancy and I couldn’t do without a pair of maternity pants that I bought from Koco Bino.

10. Visit baby expos
And baby stores. It’s a great way to research the products you need. At the expos, you will get good deals.  It’s less overwhelming when you are armed with the right information to make the right decisions. 
And every childless person I know is pretty much terrified of kids too. (All except one of my friends – she’s totally going to be go-to person if I can’t mother right.) Most childless people live adult lives, stay away from kids and look horrified when excited parents ask them when they are making little people. So I know I cannot be the only one that can put together a list of reasons why babies scare me.

Here are some of the reasons that babies terrify me and despite being pregnant with three months to go, I still haven’t gotten over it. Let’s hope once The Little Dude arrives that these fears will be a thing of the past. 

1. My mother once told me that I could break a newborn’s neck if I didn’t support its head properly. As accident-prone as I am, from then on out I decided newborns were safer when they were not in my arms. So no, I don’t actually know how to hold these fragile things.

2. I once dropped a baby…well more like let it roll off the couch on to the floor because I was preoccupied with TV. I was still a kid myself but my superpower of being engrossed in TV and drowning out all other distractions has only gotten stronger!

3. I prefer to go through life in a chilled manner. Something tells me this is not conducive to raising kids.

4. I don’t particularly like children. I don’t think anyone does. I’m just a bit more vocal about my opinions. I can totally do well behaved kids that are full of spunk and personality. But what if mine aren’t like that??? And before you judge me and say you adore them, today I encountered a kid whose primary form of communication was shrieking. Now, which one of you can tell me you like that little shit?

5. Every décor and furniture item in my house has been handpicked to look showroom-style stunning. I have a beige Coricraft couch that kids and dogs are not allowed on, a glass dining table surrounded by cream coloured upholstered chairs that not even my guests eat at, and don’t get me started on my fragile décor pieces.

6. I am the laziest person I know. I’m assuming I can’t procrastinate tending to a crying kid cos lying on the couch is more comfortable.

7. I have not hung around kids since I was a kid. I totally forget that you need to watch what you say. My life is an open book, I am so opinionated and I like to think I’m entertaining too – I once spoke of a threesome in front of two kids. God, I hope they didn’t absorb that and ask their parents about it later. How do you even respond to a question like that!

8. I love sleep. If I could, I’d spend much more time on it. Except weekend mornings when my body is way too excited to live life instead of spending it in bed. It annoys me so much when people tell me to enjoy my sleep now cos I am not looking forward to saying goodbye to one of my favourite past times.



9.  I wrote a blog post about all the stupid thingsI’ve done, e.g. forgetting my handbag. What if I forget the baby somewhere!!!

10. I haven’t had the best of pregnancies. It’s like my body is rejecting The Little Dude. He’s resilient as ever and seems unfazed by everything I’m going through. What if this is all a sign that I am not quite cut out for motherhood?

11. I’m pretty indecisive about most things. Sometimes I choose to not decide at all cos I can be quite chilled. I have a sneaky suspicion that The Little Dude is not going to have a proper name until it comes to me. And if it doesn’t come to me and I am pressured to give him a name for like Home Affairs registration reasons, I’m worried that I’ll pick whatever and then regret it for the rest of his life!

12. I don’t know much about boy babies (or babies in general) so what do I call his boy bits? Pee-pee? Do I pretend that testicles don’t exist? Do I give him a name for those? Why do they even need names? Those things have no function for a baby anyway. 

13. I have more friends without kids than friends with kids. I also prefer hanging with my friends without little monsters ruining the social experience. Therefore having kids doesn’t seem normal to me. 

14. Eating is a social experience for me. If I don’t have company to eat and talk with, then I might as well have a slice of toast as my meal. Considering that The Husband and I are quite the foodies, I am not going to enjoy our fancy meal if we have to eat one at a time cos apparently, one of us needs to tend to The Little Dude at all times. I just thought of a way around this – what if we train him to sleep during supper time?

15. I don’t get rid of my old clothes. I wear them even when they are in tatters. The Husband is embarrassed by this so I found a way around it. I wear the tattered clothes until I go away on holiday and on business. Then I wear them one last time and chuck them in the hotel bin after doing a little funeral ceremony for them. I suspect The Little Dude is going to be wearing clothes with holes in them just cos I can’t let go.

16. I happen to like being thin. I see what happens to moms. They eat their kids’ leftovers, get way too busy to exercise and before they know it, they tell skinny women that they used to be thin too.

17. I don’t know how to speak to babies and I don’t know what they are trying to say to me. What if I end up not talking to The Little Dude until he can string a sentence together all because we can’t communicate with each other? I don’t think this is very healthy. Worse still, I can totally do baby talk – what if I resort to that for communication and then stunt his verbal growth?

18. I’m judgemental. I judge other mothers who think their kids are amazing. I judge kids. I am actively trying to remember to not judge The Little Dude if he can’t speak at 3 years old while little girls his age are rambling on with full sentences. 

19. Um, childbirth. I’m distraught that my delivery method has already been chosen for me because of my fibroid. At the same time, I’m also relieved cos I don’t think squeezing out a watermelon through my va-jay-jay in excruciating pain is the best method nature could have come up with. I am seriously wondering whether I’m going to start crying in fear when the day comes when I’ll be butchered open.

20. I am 6 months pregnant and I have only bought a pram for The Little Dude…and his car seat…that fits into a car with an isofix base. We don’t have the car with the isofix points as yet! I haven’t prepared for this kid’s arrival. And to keep my sanity, I am like…so what…if the kid comes today, he’ll sleep on my bed…just like I did when I was born. He’ll be fine. 

21. Boojies! I am terrified of them. I try to convince The Husband to keep the doors and windows closed in the midst of a heatwave so that I don’t have to deal with them in my house. My uncle used to say that if the house was on fire and there was a cockroach between me and the front door, I would burn alive. I remember many a times living in one room of the house or forgoing meals because of a roach. What if there’s one between me and The Little Dude? Would it be acceptable to just wait for The Husband to get home and deal with it?

22. I totally disagree with the people that say motherhood comes naturally to women. No it doesn’t! It just appears natural because throughout history, women had babies quite young and were exposed to them all their lives with big families. They knew how to carry them, put ‘em to sleep, care for them – all before they bore their own. That’s learned behaviour – not natural!

23. Kids are freaky. Have you seen horror movies? They stare into space – the movies say they can see the spirits in the room. They have imaginary friends – the movies say they are talking to ghosts. And in some of those movies, they are the demonic killers. I don’t think I could be alone with kids displaying these behaviours.

What are some of your fears when it comes to having babies? 
I remember when I first started working in a corporate environment. I went to a meeting with a client, at the client’s premises, and proceeded to impress them on the work that I was going to deliver. At the end of the meeting, I stood up in my little suit, shook everyone’s hands and left with a smug feeling of how professional I had come across. As I walked to my car, I realised I didn’t have my car keys because something was missing – my handbag – that I left in the client’s boardroom. That was in 2006. Looking back, I think it was understandable. Fresh into adulthood, who carried a handbag at that age anyway?

Bonding would probably be more fun over a drink...just saying :-)

Fast forward to 2015 when I went out with my friends for a fancy dinner. As my husband and I pulled into our driveway after supper, he asked, “Where’s your handbag?” At that moment, I realised it was in the restaurant. What excuse did I have now? Who carries handbags? 30 year old women – that’s who! 30 year old women who are supposed to be responsible enough to take care of a child, let alone remember to take her handbag when leaving a place.

So what do I do when little Pepperoni one day forgets his toy box – or whatever it is that little kids carry around. Do I say, “Dude – it’s ok. Do you even wanna know how many times I’ve left my handbag behind?”

And then there was my epic European trip where I was waiting to go down the Alps in a ski lift. I looked in the empty lift and said out loud, “oh look. A pole!” I proceeded to grab onto the pole fully clothed with just my face being the only naked part of my body. I hoisted myself upside down with my arm muscles proudly holding up my body weight as my gloved up hands continued to slide at great speed until I fell…hard…at 5 months pregnant. The first thing I did was turn over on my back, like I belonged in that position on the floor. The next thing was to look around at who saw me. No one! Perfect. Now where’s The Husband to hoist me up and pretend like nothing happened? He was looking away pretending like he didn’t know me.

When Pepperoni has a stupid idea, thinks it through and still decides to act on it, what do I do? Do I sing, “You got it from ya mamma”? Does The Husband pretend like it’s not his kid? How am I supposed to raise a kid when I do such stupid things?

Oh and you know how fussy kids are when it comes to food. I was that fussy kid. It all started when I was a baby and wouldn’t eat the first solids all Indian kids started on – buttered bread and tea. I spat it out, vomited it up and would rather stay hungry. I became a fussy adult eater – to the point that I unintentionally insult my in-laws every time I’m around them. I don’t like certain foods and as much as I try to eat them, there are just certain things I cannot stomach – think every yogurt type dish that is pinnacle of Gujarati cuisine. Now what happens when Pepperoni does the exact same thing? I so desperately want to say, “I understand, Kid”. 

It seems like all mothers I know are responsible people. So I can't be the only one like this right? Tell me there’s more like me out there – the happy-go-lucky ones that do silly things all the time and laugh it off. They also raise kids despite how they behave...right? 
Don’t get me wrong. Surprise me with a bunch of flowers on V-day and I will be totally infatuated with you. It probably stems from the fact that I’ve never really been romantically spoiled until recent years.  Now that I am loved ALL THE TIME, I think the whole concept of Valentine’s Day, for established couples, is really silly.


I mean, what’s the point? Is it like a day to create awareness – like World Aids Day? I doubt it. We’re surrounded by love all the time especially when the wave of weddings hit. It’s preached in religion and all forms of modern entertainment. It’s whispered by giggling girls and dreamed off by the ones who long for that romantic love. The world is aware. So what is really about?

Some people jokingly call this Hallmark Day – a day that retailers cash in on sales from cards, chocolates and gifts. Despite knowing this, the majority of people still celebrate it because it’s important. This day symbolises the love we have or want to have.

I love the concept that everyday should be Valentine’s Day. I thoroughly believe that. All too often I see couples who aren’t at their lovey-dovey best throughout the year but on this special day, they put aside whatever differences they have and show their love.

I like to think that sprinkling love and adventure every day is far more important than the forced bunch of roses I can show off on one specific day of the year. I like that I feel loved every day. The Husband and I surprise each other with little events, games and random gifts all the time. Even better than surprise gifts are the well thought out decisions we make together on what we’d like to spend our money on to spoil ourselves.

The truth is that love is not a candlelit dinner. It’s making a plan together when finances look gloomy. It’s cheering each other up when the one has a bad day and knowing when to leave your partner alone. It’s having fun while preparing for the daunting and expensive task of having a baby. It’s sharing household responsibilities. It’s appreciating the sacrifices. It’s making soup when the other has man-flu. It’s debating over what the next holiday should be when your ideas of travel and relaxation are so different. It’s surviving a whole day of sport on TV. It’s also about knowing when to celebrate a day you don’t believe in because it’s important to your partner.

If you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day as an established couple, that’s awesome. I think it’s great to be able to reflect on why you fell in love and maybe even rekindle some lost passion. But also think about how you’re going to experience the love on 15 February…and the day after that and in the weeks and months to come. 
I was so hesitant to put together a birthday wish list lastyear for fear that I come across as a demanding person.  Instead, it helped friends wanting to buy me a gift by giving them ideas on what I would most appreciate as a birthday present. It also worked spectacularly for me – one of my favourite gifts was my Coricraft clock that now sits perfectly in my open plan living area. So here’s what I’m lusting after this year.



Le Creuset
Ever since the Le Creuset store opened up in Sandton City, it’s been one of my go-to stores for gifts for friends. I never bought anything for myself since it always seemed so splurgy. Recently, after picking up a casserole dish for a friend, I left with a brochure of all their products. I was surprised to find out that Le Creuset cast iron and stainless steel products all come with a lifetime guarantee! It made me want the entire range even more. The husband and I love cooking and entertaining. I love the cast iron classic buffet casserole. Not only is cast iron a great conductor on all sources of heat, this looks stunning brought to the table for guests to dig in. At R2100 for the 2.0 litre/26cm, it’s definitely a splurge item but browse through the Le Creuset website for tons of cheaper products that I love and I'm sure you will too. Just remember that my favourite Le Creuset colour is cherry.



A much needed hair treatment
The last time I cut my hair was before my wedding. It was nothing more than a cut and my simple hairdresser from back home did it for me for about R50. My hair now looks super long, shapeless and hides lots of greys while my hair is down. Since coming back from my epic European trip, it also needs some TLC to get back to a healthy shine. I’m a simple girl so it’s no wonder that I’ve never visited a proper hair salon and have never had any treatments. I’ve been thinking that now is the time. I assume I need a treatment but what do I need – Olaplex, Brazilian, Opti – it's all so confusing. Colour – yes please but should I just cover the greys or do I need highlights? I don’t even know where I should be going to so I would love a recommendation along with a voucher for what I should be doing.



Dermalogica products
I only use Dermalogica products on my face. I’ve even converted my husband so we’re no strangers to their range. My bathroom has the special cleansing gel, microfoliant, multi-vitamin power recovery masque, ultracalming mist, skin hydrating booster and an almost empty moisturiser. The one thing that I haven’t yet tried is the renewal lip complex. It’s a blend of avocado oil and shea and cocoa seed butters to moisturise lips to make them soft and kissable on my new baby’s skin. At R510, it’s pricey for a lip balm but given the wonders that Dermalogica does to my face, I think it’ll be worth it.


   
A mommy-to-be massage
I love how I haven’t gained much weight and although I have some pain, I’m not walking around like a massive whale. I’m hoping that by the time my birthday comes around that I’m not large and uncomfortable but if I am, I would love to get a mommy-to-be massage. I found that Renaissance Spa does preggy massages – a lot of spas steer clear of women about to pop. I love the sound of the Gorgeous Glow Pregnancy Massage Package but I’ll probably be bored of 4 and a half hours by myself so I’ll opt for the Mama Mio Pregnancy Massage. It’s R590 for a full body massage.



Great smells
Whenever I have people over to my house, I light up the baobab soy lite wax candle in my bathroom. I love the fragrance and the candle jar is so pretty – a little baobab tree lights up. I got them together with a matching hand wash and lotion from the Soil online store. At R220, it’s not badly priced. I’m looking to replace the baobab range with coconut. Doesn’t this uplifting coconut organic soy wax candle look gorgeous!




Mommy mobile
I've had my little car for nine years now! When The Unborn announced his impending arrival, things had to change and the biggest change has to be my little car that served me well as these years. I'm heartbroken to let Vomit go but oh so excited at all the new options. Top of my list is the Mazda CX-5. With a reverse camera, ISO fix points and space for my stroller, it offers the best value for money in it's segment. At R335 000, I think this is best as a gift I give to myself. 
 
We found out we were pregnant very early into the pregnancy. I was about 3 weeks pregnant and all you could see was a yolk sac in an ultrasound.

I had tons of cute ideas like this. I just became way too sick to even think about executing them.

I am an open book. I tweet about what is happening in my life. I write blog posts about how I wasn’t entirely happy in a phase of life when everyone is supposed to be. And I tell strangers whatever pops into my head. I don’t think I have any secrets.

And then I’m thrown into the first trimester, the hush-hush trimester, where you’re allowed to tell everyone that you’re trying to have a baby but can’t tell them you’re pregnant for fear of a miscarriage announcement ruining the whole experience.

I didn’t know what to do. Firstly, I didn’t want to tell anyone because I hadn’t even come to terms with my feelings. Secondly, society dictates that I’m not supposed to tell anyone. Thirdly, all I wanted to do was tweet about the fugitive I was harbouring that was trying to kill me!

Early pregnancy support
The husband had a lot more support than me. Everyone at his workplace knew immediately with all the hospital visits and running home to a sick wife during the work day. It was pretty awesome that they all knew. He had support when he needed to take time off or needed to vent about my moods. Everyone had some piece of advice to help him survive the first trimester.

I told the immediate family at about 6 weeks in, after our first gynae appointment when we heard a heartbeat. The husband didn’t want to say anything to them because he wanted to save them the heartache in case the worst happens. That was around the time my morning sickness from hell started but it helped having their support when I was hooked up to a drip in hospital from severe dehydration.

But all I wanted to do was tell everyone, in the moment, that I’m dying. It’s what I do. When someone asks me, what’s new – that’s what’s new. If I could do it all again, I wouldn’t keep my mouth shut. It’s not a big pregnancy announcement – it’s what’s going on in my life.

But what about the risk of miscarriage
What about it? Surely, if the worst happens, I’d want support. Imagine grieving all alone and not having the people I see every day not knowing what I’m going through. And not telling people is precisely why women take it so badly when they miscarry – wrongly believing it’s a fault of theirs. Because no one talks about it so we don’t know just how common this is.

Or maybe you want to keep things quiet because you’re a private person. It’s ok. Do whatever feels right for you. I cannot possibly imagine the pain of previous miscarriages and maybe if I went through something like that, I wouldn’t want to talk about it until I’m in the clear.

It’s ok to not tell everyone you know
The people who knew I was pregnant were excited when I started my second trimester. It was now time to make the big announcement. The only problem was that I no longer wanted to announce anything. Not only did I feel like one big liar for 3 months but I am not the flashy person that wants to show off my latest thing that I kept hidden for some time now. Really, I don’t know how those people with the big announcements do it – everyone must know. I suppose they had the excitement factor that I was also missing.

I wasn’t that excited. My life was coming to an end. And it just didn’t feel right to announce it to people. If it came up in casual conversation, I wouldn’t hide it from anyone. I’m sure there are tons of people who still don’t know I’m pregnant and you know what, I’m fine with that.


Ultimately, it’s your pregnancy. Do whatever you want. Shout it from the rooftops at 13 weeks if you want to. Playfully tell people when it feels right. Hand out prizes to people who spot the bump and come to the conclusion themselves. Who cares about everyone else – do what you feel is best for you.
We try to force nature to work with civilisation. So instead of popping babies from 12 years old, as if the human race is becoming extinct, we force our bodies to wait. To wait until we find Mr Right – the modern way. None of that pairing up with the boy from your village nonsense. Oh no. It has to be a perchance meeting in a coffee shop. Sparks must fly. Your heart has to race as your eyes meet and fall in love at first sight. This happens 10 times over in different romantic locations until the most recent Him ticks your long list of requirements. After a few years of on-off relationship-ing, you realise he’s The One.

Not quite my experience

If you were lucky enough to have found Baby Daddy while you’re at your most fertile, you probably realised that you hadn’t reached your peak in your career yet. You think, “that ladder is slippery, I’m underpaid, now is not the time.”  

Whatever your reason is, we defy nature with contraceptives until the day you decide to conceive. It’s supposed to be difficult. For years, you forced your body into not doing one of our most primitive functions for years – having babies. You’re older now and not as fertile anymore. You need to track your ovulation and be prepared for those two blue lines to not appear when you want them to.

It was time. I was supposed to try to conceive before it became too late. But I hadn’t lived life yet. I hadn’t travelled the world. I didn’t have enough sex. I didn’t have the money to swop out the carpets for laminate flooring. I hadn’t made a big salary jump. I didn’t restart after-works drinks with old colleagues. I’m not done sleeping in on weekends. All these things I won’t be able to do with kids. No one else is having kids. It was time. But I wasn’t ready.


And then the phone call that ended my life: “We have the results of your blood tests. Congratulations! You’re 3 weeks pregnant.” No! Conception was supposed to be difficult. I’m supposed to want it so badly so that I could be grateful when I fell pregnant. Instead, I had the odds of a teenager having sex for the first time in the back of a car. Pregnant…without even trying. 
So you’ve been invited to celebrate Diwali with some Hindu friends. How exciting! It probably also feels a bit daunting with all the different foods and traditions you’re used to. Fear not! I’m here to teach you some Diwali etiquette that’ll have you fitting in with the Hindus.

A photo posted by @sarah_velicitat on


Dress
There is religious significance for Diwali but it’s also a celebration of light and colour. It would be great if your dress reflects this. It’s a fun experience if you have an opportunity to dress up in Indian wear with all the accessories. Most Indians wouldn’t mind lending you an outfit for the occasion. But if you don’t have anything Indian to wear, dress up in your most bright and colourful clothing that isn’t revealing and put on lots of jingly jewellery. Stay away from black clothing – remember we’re celebrating the victory of light over darkness.


Food
With all the fun, over-indulgence and fireworks, it’s easy to forget that Diwali is actual a day of religious observance. With all prayer days, Hindus abstain for animal flesh and alcohol. So be aware that the food served will probably be vegetarian. I know that many cultures consider a meal incomplete without meat. I went to a friend’s house where guests loudly complained about the lack of meat. I think that is really rude but that’s why I’m writing this. It’s good to know about the differences in cultures upfront – especially if something is that important to you.

A photo posted by Poonam (@poonam_sharma) on

Bringing a gift for the host
It’s common Western etiquette for guests to bring a bottle of wine to someone’s house. That’s a big no-no for Diwali. Hindus will not be serving alcohol so if wine is your go-to “gift” when visiting someone it’s time to get creative with other ideas. Many Hindus bring along a plate of their homemade Diwali treats to share with the host’s family. But you’re more than welcome to bring along some shop bought goodies (that don’t include eggs), flowers or incense. It’s important as a guest to also be your authentic self so those aren’t your thing, bring along whatever gift you prefer as long as it’s respectful and appropriate for the occasion. Indians love giving and receiving gifts so you’ll probably leave with a decorated plate, tray or box of sweetmeats and biscuits for you to savour at home.

A photo posted by @o0_presh_o0 on

Aarti and Pooja
If you’re lucky enough to be invited when your host is performing their prayers and offerings to God, it’s important to be mindful of the session. Most people have different ways that they pray so take your cue from your host. Take off your shoes outside the room that the prayer is performed, ensure you appropriately dressed, quietly meditate if you do not know the bhajans that everyone is singing along to and ask for help if you want to perform aarti too. People will love showing you how.

A photo posted by The Wayfarer (@ank890) on


Fireworks
Depending on where your hosts live, they might be able to celebrate the evening with fireworks displays. If you want to bring your own fireworks, ask the hosts whether they are allowed to light fireworks in their neighbourhood. If they are, you’re in for such a treat. It’s magical to watch the sky light up in vibrant colours. And there are the playful sparklers that everyone will have fun twirling around. If you’re not used to fireworks, it’s best to be safe and let the experienced among you light them. 



Above all, it’s about celebrating the day with family and friends. Be mindful of the points I raised but don’t fret too much. Have fun and have a happy and blessed Diwali!
My mother was our household’s sole breadwinner earning a grand total of R300…on a good week. She had a standard 6 education with limited skills and therefore couldn’t get a better paying job. She slaved 7 days a week for us and her dream was to someday have the ability to stop bearing that financial burden of raising her family all on her own.

Credit: http://www.dazeddigital.com/artsandculture/article/27121/1/south-african-student-protests-against-fees-go-global

I call my schooling disadvantaged. All South African bursars clearly didn’t agree with me. But how can a school, who churns out pupils for jobs in a supermarket, not be considered disadvantaged? The entire community knew that once you finish matric (with standard grade passes), you found a job and then you were sorted for life. We didn’t have much exposure to any other ambitions, like becoming an engineer, purely because we couldn’t afford it. It’s just something poor people didn’t do.

But I had my head buried in books throughout my childhood and through that exposure, I knew I deserved better and I was convinced that I would go to university. I kept my standards low and didn’t apply to UCT. I needed to be close to home so I could help financially and didn’t have to incur additional travel and accommodation costs. I qualified for an NSFAS loan at the University of Natal. My fees were covered so it was pretty much free while I studied. But getting my R3000 deposit in my first year was a mission that I eventually overcame with another loan…and then spent years avoiding paying it back.

So my fees were virtually free but it wasn’t enough. The transition from high school to university brought with it many more costs. I had a weekend job where I earned R120 on Saturday and Sunday to pay my R120 transport costs to get to university. Our tutorial tests finished too late for me to catch the last taxi home so I would leave my tests early because I didn’t have anyone with a car to fetch me. My weekends were spent working and I left tests early so my grades suffered. My semester breaks were spent working as a cashier in order to afford textbooks. I couldn’t live the lives my friends did cos I didn’t have the money to go out and have fun – I was socially excluded. The worst part of it all is that no one understood my struggles. My varsity friends had cars and spending money. My entire extended family had never even set foot in a university. My neighbours thought it would be easier on my family to just get a job.

And then there’s the cost of not working immediately after school. My mother was burdened with paying for food and electricity on her meagre salary. Everything else was considered a luxury – we defaulted on rent and lived life minimally. With my mother’s health ailing, it was 3 more years of daily slaving before I could theoretically get a job and help her out.

After I graduated, I shattered my mother’s dreams yet again. The only job I could secure was in Johannesburg – a city that no one I knew had even been to. Again, it was begging and borrowing to get money for a R2000 deposit on a commune where I lived.

It took 4 years for me to pay off my student loans and I still support my family in Durban. I literally started from scratch to be able to afford my current lifestyle and bring up the quality of living for my family. I still have no one who understands my struggles. My friends from university think I’m shallow for chasing money all these years but those friends have also had their parents help them out throughout their studies, and assist them with buying a car and house.

Sharing my story is my way of saying that I believe in the #FeesMustFall revolution but it doesn’t solve everything. Even with free education, the other costs that only the poor have are enough to prevent students from studying or pull them out of university.

Where do we stop with this revolution? We got the 0% increase but that still excludes so many. We need free education. But we also need good quality secondary education to prepare kids for university and open their eyes to the possibilities. We need the poor to be able to afford the basics of life like food, housing and transport. We need university deposits to be affordable too. How far will this revolution go? Achieving free education will be a milestone but even that will still exclude many in the pursuit of education. 
I use travel agents quite a bit. I use them at work to book my business travels. I suppose I don’t really care about the cost of those but I still have to tell them about which flights are convenient. With all the information I provide to them, if I didn’t have so much work to do, I think it would be more efficient to do it myself…if I was allowed to.

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For my personal travels that don’t have anything to do with work, I use travel agents too. My Thailand trip was nicely packaged by a travel agent that a friend organised. It was less hassle for me. All our friends agreed to the price and paid. I didn’t once question the service.

I did tons of online research for my Maldives honeymoon and I finally settled on the resort that offered the best value for money for everything I was looking for. A travel agent managed to get that even cheaper for us. It’s probably because beachside holidays are popular. Travel agencies get good deals to promote certain resorts so we, the customers, also benefit.

I am currently planning an amazing European winter trip over December. I walked in to a travel agency and they actually gave me some really good options. Once I browsed through all the brochures and sent my request for quotation, I realised that I could actually get the whole package cheaper if I did it myself.

Confused, I realised that there are a lot of reasons why you should ditch the travel agent if you have some time to do your own research. Here are some of those reasons.

1. The internet gives you everything at your fingertips. Sometimes, its information overload but if you can filter through all of that, you have a variety of holiday options to choose from – to either plan it yourself or directly through tour suppliers. Once you find out what’s best for you, you can book it yourself. 

2. I’m not sure how competitive travel agencies are with holiday tours. It seems like they have a relationship with a third party who probably discounts tours so that the agency can make money for driving holiday makers to the suppliers’ products. In my recent experience, that discount isn’t passed on to the consumer so you’re no better off than just booking the holiday through the supplier yourself.

3. After I got my quotes back, I decided to look up flights myself. I used a number of websites that trawls the web for cheap flights. I also looked at specific airlines. I found out that my agent had given me a quote with a super long layover which was actually more expensive than a direct flight. Clearly, the agency gets rewarded for using specific airlines so that’s what she quoted that instead of suggesting what works best for me in terms of time and money. 

4. When I went back to the agent asking for quotes on direct flights where I was landing in one city and returning from another, she insisted that it would be more expensive getting two one way flights from different airlines as opposed to return flight through the same city. However when tried booking those flights with two different airlines, I realised that those two airlines were actually partner airlines and it wasn’t any more expensive at all. 

5. My sister-in-law and her friends just got back from their American vacation and also weren’t impressed with the same travel agent’s service. The travel agent hadn’t confirmed one of their airport transfers. They also realised that their first hotel could have been used for their entire Orlando trip. The agent hadn’t even advised them that the two hotels were about 20 minutes away from each other and that it would have been cheaper and less hassle to remain at the first hotel and commute. Then there was an epic New York trip to which they only realised while in New York that they only had a day and a half in the city. They would have appreciated if the travel agent advised them that it may have been too short of a duration to see that city. 

6. And then there are the unsolicited emails. I contacted the agent for the sole purpose of getting some quotes and to book my travel with them – not to be inundated with their marketing emails. I didn’t sign up for that.

Maybe I just had a bad experience or I haven’t found the right travel agent yet. So unless, you don’t have the time or want to be bothered with the details of your trip, these are my reasons why you could just book your trip yourself. Do you agree?