Surviving your baby’s first fever

We have been lucky that Squeak is 14 months old and has never had a fever before. At this age, parents are seasoned pros at what to do when fever strikes. We weren’t prepared for what was about to come the weekend. If you’re a new parent, you probably want to read this post to learn from our journey.

It all began at the start of the long weekend. My boss left work early on Friday, so I left early too so that my baby’s nanny could leave early and we could all enjoy the long weekend a bit earlier. Squeak wasn’t his usual self that afternoon. He didn’t want to play and was a bit clingy. So, I held him while he clung to me like a little monkey. He fell asleep on my chest while I sat on the couch – no rocking, no boobing – none of the usual things he needs to be able to fall asleep. Strange. When he awoke, he felt hot to the touch.

1. Trust your instincts
You really don’t need a thermometer to know that your baby has a fever. You can gauge how bad his fever is based on how warm his head and body becomes. I consoled myself with the fact that our parents didn’t have thermometers or access to 24 hour emergency room visits and we all grew up just fine. I also realised that our parents never had to deal with swollen faces, hives and difficulty breathing from a nut allergy. The point is you know your baby best. You will know when to take him to the doctor and when cuddles is the cure. A doctor’s visit will never be a waste (apart from money). Even if there is nothing the doctor can do, it might just reassure you that everything you’re doing is right.

2. Use the cheap little underarm hospital thermometer
We invested in those expensive no touch thermometers that incorrectly sent us to the emergency room when Squeak was only 6 days old. We returned the defective unit and got another one which is really handy. You point it at a baby’s forehead and take his temperature without actually touching him. While it’s useful to not aggravate a cranky baby further, I realised those cheap underarm thermometers are what they use in the hospital and is much more accurate. When I was monitoring a 39.5 degree fever, that’s the thermometer I used.

3. Don’t fear the fever
A fever is a good thing. It means your little baby’s immune system has the ability to fight off an infection. The bad thing is that the baby has an infection that needs to be fought. I’ve read a lot about allowing the body to fight off the baddies but my itty bitty baby doesn’t deserve to be uncomfortable in the process. I found that giving him Panado really helped to bring his fever down for a while. I only medicated him as a last resort. I tried to gently bring his body temperature down by cooling him off first.

4. Skin to skin
I’ve seen the benefits of skin to skin from the time Squeak was born. He would calm down the moment I took off my shirt and held him to my chest. Now, with a raging fever, I took off our clothes, kept him in a nappy and held him against my skin gently rocking him. In no time, my body helped him regulate his body temperature and he fell asleep.

5. Agree on your cut-off point
A friend gave me this advice and it is the most important tip. My husband is more of a traditional parent and I am what he calls an organic free-range mother. He likes to consult with doctors and I prefer not to medicate my child if he doesn’t need it. We, therefore, needed to discuss at which point, we should head to the hospital and stick to it. We agreed that an uncontrollable fever of 39.5 would send us to the hospital. Luckily, we didn’t need to.

6. Stay hydrated
Squeak quickly lost his appetite but he kept sticking his arm down my shirt. I felt like I had a newborn again. I didn’t mind as I knew it was his only source of calories and it helped maintain his hydration levels. I’m sure I’m not supposed to be feeding my baby iced water but he seemed to enjoy it so I kept offering whenever I had some.

7. Maintain your sanity
I didn’t get much sleep and I also didn’t want to waste a long weekend. I decided we still needed to go out. We didn’t overdo it but we stuck to our plans so that we could maintain some sanity. It gave Squeak a difference in environment and us something to do other than care for a sick child. When Squeak needed his mommy, I popped him into my sling and wore him as I socialised with my friends.

8. Keep your routine
I’m notorious for throwing Squeak’s routine out of the window during the weekends but I maintained his evening routine. Bath, supper, bed. The poor kid has enough to keep him unhappy. I could at least let him know that there is still some normality in his life so he isn’t anxious about what comes next.

72 hours later, after Twitter consultations and constantly second-guessing ourselves, Squeak was back to his normal self. He ate a bowl of pasta, drunkenly ran around and the house was filled with his giggles again. Being responsible for a helpless child is scary and it might not seem like it at the time, but I know that all my baby really needs is me, lots of love and baby cuddles.

Do you have any tips to help with a fever? Share them in the comments below so I’m better prepared next time.

Don’t tell me I have enough time

Try complaining about not having time to do the things you want to do and you’re hit with a ton of advice. We’re told we need to prioritise, stop being a perfectionist, be more efficient, blah blah blah blah blah. Stop telling me I don’t know how to manage my time and listen to me!

I remember what it was like to have 168 hours in a week and subtract all the necessary things in life until I have “enough time” to do whatever I want. But now, I don’t have that “enough time” anymore.

Those 37 hours of magical free time available is an average of 5 hours a day. That includes childcare responsibilities and family time. I’ve even tried to squeeze minutes away from my toddler stuck to me like glue – that barely gives me time to type 140 characters before my phone is grabbed away from me or I need to be Squeak’s transportation device.

On average, I spend about 4 hours a day just being a mom. That extra hour is for me to escape for a bit in front of the TV – a bit of relaxation time. And, even then, I’m trying to juggle being immersed in a new series with catching up on social media.

I’m desperate for some me time. Time to focus my thoughts and write. Time to dance. Time to be social whether with real people or through my phone. Time to finish reading long articles. Time to do the things that make me, me.

Tell me I am not alone and that you also struggle with finding the time to be you. 

The danger toddling around you

Everyone always talks about not hurting the baby. I stopped wearing my wedding rings because I didn’t want the stones to scratch his delicate skin. I supported his neck while carrying him in positions that were far too uncomfortable for me. I made sure I kept him away from the oil splatters from cooking and tried not to use chillies for fear of burning his eyes with my fiery hands.

But no one talks about how deadly that helpless little baby is to his parents. Parents everywhere are suffering in silence. Co-workers wonder how she got that black eye or how it’s possible that he’s off work for an eye injury. They roll their eyes without understanding because we don’t talk about the abuse we get from our kids. This week has been a record of beatings from Squeak. I even reached out to parents on Twitter to check that I was not alone.

I was right! Parents and caregivers with a seemingly happy relationship with their babies came forth with stories of torture and physical abuse. Attempts at eyes being gorged out while parents innocently sleep. Skin and corneas scratched open by little hands out for blood. Walking into dad’s nethers to prevent future siblings. Bruised ribs from a 10kg wrestling contender. Head butts to the face resulting in bloody noses and black eyes from their deadliest weapon yet – their oversized heads! All this while parents were innocently going about their own business. I mean, one was even sleeping!

They blame it on their toddlers not yet mastering the art of walking (straight into male parts) or still learning their fine motor skills (waving deadly objects around) or just being curious (poking around at eyes, ears, noses and mouths) or even that parents did not cut their sharp nails (deadly talons). They may have the world fooled but not me. I know their real intent.

We need to stand up, we need to unite and we need to fight back! Lest we allow these tiny humans to rule our lives and beat us into submission. Who is with me? 

Why it’s OK to judge people

I’ve always been the type to say what’s on my mind even though the socially acceptable thing is to be kind, polite and not to judge others. I’m here to tell you that the claim to not judge others is such bullshit and why it’s totally ok to do so.

We all judge. Even the polite people think their judgements in their minds; they just don’t say it out loud. We judge people based on how they present themselves and the behaviours they display. It is a subconscious perception of people. We form impressions by deciding on whether to go on a date with someone based on how they look. We make correlations from the way your date treats the waiter or whether the person orders pineapple on their pizza.

Judging others is normal human behaviour. Every opinion we make is a judgement. If we weren’t judgemental, we’d have no opinions. You discover someone’s beliefs. You decide you like them, that’s being judgemental. You decide you do not like them, that’s also being judgemental. Our belief systems stem from our opinions and we decide to do certain things because we believe it is right. We don’t do the opposite because we believe it is wrong. Based on that we already judged people who don’t share the same opinions as us.

In the parenting world, mom-shaming is rife. Everyone tries to make conscious decisions to not judge because you never know the background and context that resulted in people making the decisions they make. Try as you may, you see the judgemental attitudes everywhere like the debates on breastmilk vs formula and anti-vax vs science.  It is not surprising that people have strong views because when you choose to vaccinate, you obviously did enough research to think that anyone on the other side of the fence is completely wrong, and vice versa.

And, even when you’re well meaning, people will still take it the wrong way. A mom shared a pic of her dirty car rationalising that it’s ok because it’s evidence that she spends time with her kids instead of cleaning. I didn’t expect the huge backlash of parents who keep a clean car and house that felt mom-shamed. They said that cleaning up didn’t mean that they are detracting from quality time with their kids.

Point is. It’s ok to judge. It’s normal. You don’t need to keep your thoughts to yourself. In fact, I’d rather surround myself with people who are judgemental because at least I know that they are real.