SandiSplash

I’ve always been the type to say what’s on my mind even though the socially acceptable thing is to be kind, polite and not to judge others. I’m here to tell you that the claim to not judge others is such bullshit and why it’s totally ok to do so.

We all judge. Even the polite people think their judgements in their minds; they just don’t say it out loud. We judge people based on how they present themselves and the behaviours they display. It is a subconscious perception of people. We form impressions by deciding on whether to go on a date with someone based on how they look. We make correlations from the way your date treats the waiter or whether the person orders pineapple on their pizza.

Judging others is normal human behaviour. Every opinion we make is a judgement. If we weren’t judgemental, we’d have no opinions. You discover someone’s beliefs. You decide you like them, that’s being judgemental. You decide you do not like them, that’s also being judgemental. Our belief systems stem from our opinions and we decide to do certain things because we believe it is right. We don’t do the opposite because we believe it is wrong. Based on that we already judged people who don’t share the same opinions as us.

In the parenting world, mom-shaming is rife. Everyone tries to make conscious decisions to not judge because you never know the background and context that resulted in people making the decisions they make. Try as you may, you see the judgemental attitudes everywhere like the debates on breastmilk vs formula and anti-vax vs science.  It is not surprising that people have strong views because when you choose to vaccinate, you obviously did enough research to think that anyone on the other side of the fence is completely wrong, and vice versa.

And, even when you’re well meaning, people will still take it the wrong way. A mom shared a pic of her dirty car rationalising that it’s ok because it’s evidence that she spends time with her kids instead of cleaning. I didn’t expect the huge backlash of parents who keep a clean car and house that felt mom-shamed. They said that cleaning up didn’t mean that they are detracting from quality time with their kids.

Point is. It’s ok to judge. It’s normal. You don’t need to keep your thoughts to yourself. In fact, I’d rather surround myself with people who are judgemental because at least I know that they are real.