Never shall we part
I chatted with a friend today who was quite upset because she and her husband were having a little fight. Concerned, I probed further. Turns out she’s not happy because he’s not spending enough time with her.
Her husband has allegedly ditched her for soccer and an afternoon of friendly poker and comes home late every day. The boys get together to play soccer for a few hours on Saturdays and on some Sundays they spend the afternoon playing poker at their place. During the weekdays, work pressures only allow him to get home at 18:30 – hardly late by my standards but nevertheless this only allows for a few hours of quality time.
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Suddenly, I understood. It’s not that he is intentionally not willing to spend time with her. He just wants to play soccer, poker and has to work an hour extra. The problem is that she doesn’t have anything to do but sit and wait for him while he’s working late or spending a few hours with the boys.
This is so common amongst women everywhere. They find a man and suddenly the life they lived before him doesn’t exist anymore. They spend every waking moment doting over their significant other as they duly settle down. I don’t necessarily think this is unhealthy. These women choose to become more wifely, to see to their beau’s needs and to be constantly surrounded by the one they love.
What is unhealthy is when the guy decides that he wants to spend some reasonable time with his friends. I’m not talking about trips to a strip club, drinking sprees at the local bar and whatever other mischief guys get up to. I’m talking about playing soccer for a few hours and coming back home tired from the game. Does that really warrant an upset girlfriend or wife?
I think the problem lays with the girls who let themselves sit at home waiting. How important can a man be that you put your whole life on hold when he isn’t around? What about spending some me-time at the spa? Embracing your solitude with a good book? Brunch with your friends? Instead she insists on missing him tremendously. Understandably so, when you’ve created a life where you’re both inseparable.
My view is that couples need to have some healthy apart time – even if it is just to truly appreciate each other when they’re together. What are your thoughts?
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Completely agreed. This is, in my opinion, a massive societal problem. The concept of serious feminism is savagely damaged by this sort of thinking. The wife and i have an understanding, where we'll eat dinner together, and spend some time together every day, but we give each other more than enough space to do our own thing. Even if it means me sitting on the couch next to her with my laptop on my lap while she plays Dragon Age on the xbox, it still means that we have our own lives outside of each other. No one can share every single interest, and if you don't get some time to partake in your own interests, you may become bitter about missing out later.
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