Things I learnt while watching Sharknado
So I finally got around to watching Sharknado last night. Yes,
I had nothing better to do and yes, it was the worst movie I have ever watched.
It’s a highly implausible concept riddled with inaccuracies. Let me tell you
some of the things I learnt while watching it.
Australians have
tougher skins than Americans
Right at the beginning of the movie, there are sharks that
have suddenly moved in to shallow waters going on a feeding frenzy. A shark
bites into the leg of an Australian who struggles for few minutes with the
shark attached to his leg. He eventually escapes the shark. Everyone else in
the movie, i.e. Americans, seems to die from just one shark bite. How else do
you explain it? The Australian was also cleaned up and was able to walk just
fine a few hours later.
Sharks can breathe
out of water
The movie centres around a hurricane that starts over the
ocean, picking up sharks (and no other marine life) and sweeping across California.
When the sharks are flung from the centre of the hurricane onto land, they are
still alive, can breathe out of water and are much more concerned about eating
every human in sight rather than wondering where all the water went to. And
when they do see a large body of water like a chlorine filled pool or a sewer
pipe – they can happily survive in there swimming around until their next kill.
Sharks can survive almost
anything
I mean, they can already breathe out of water and survive in
a chlorine pool but did you know that they can be flung from heavily flowing sewer
pipes onto concrete slabs and still survive? Even more impressive is that they
can survive a fall from great heights onto the pavement and still manage to
work up an appetite to take out whoever is in its path. Despite their
toughness, there are ways to kill a shark.
The many ways to kill
a shark
Even waitresses without much experience in shark hunting can
kill a shark but stabbing a pool cue stick through its head. Even surfers can
shoot a shark…that is attacking a helicopter high up in the air…while standing
on a ground…with a pistol. Bar stools are incredible powerful tools at
protecting yourself from shark attacks. You can fly a helicopter near a tornado
to throw a bomb in the centre of without getting sucked in to the tornado.
Sharks can swallow
you whole
Sharks have deadly teeth which they use to chomp down on one
of your limbs and then shake their heads violently from side to side to rip you
up in order to get a bite-sized piece of you. That’s what you learn in school.
In Sharknado though, sharks can swallow you whole. And one does swallow you
whole, never fear, always keep a chainsaw on your person at all times; you can
easily use it to cut your way out of its belly.
Cars can explode
without an ignition source
At some point in the movie, the car stops and can’t be
started again. Quickly someone notices a fuel leak. Everyone runs. And you
guessed it. The car explodes with no ignition source. Also seconds before the
actual explosion someone leaps to the ground. And I always thought that
happened as a result of the force of the explosion pushing you to the ground.
Nitrous
There’s a nitrous button on a Hummer. And when
you use it, police miraculously stop chasing you. I totally want one of those buttons
on my Corsa Lite.
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