Things I learnt while watching Sharknado

By 16:06

So I finally got around to watching Sharknado last night. Yes, I had nothing better to do and yes, it was the worst movie I have ever watched. It’s a highly implausible concept riddled with inaccuracies. Let me tell you some of the things I learnt while watching it.

Australians have tougher skins than Americans
Right at the beginning of the movie, there are sharks that have suddenly moved in to shallow waters going on a feeding frenzy. A shark bites into the leg of an Australian who struggles for few minutes with the shark attached to his leg. He eventually escapes the shark. Everyone else in the movie, i.e. Americans, seems to die from just one shark bite. How else do you explain it? The Australian was also cleaned up and was able to walk just fine a few hours later.

Sharks can breathe out of water
The movie centres around a hurricane that starts over the ocean, picking up sharks (and no other marine life) and sweeping across California. When the sharks are flung from the centre of the hurricane onto land, they are still alive, can breathe out of water and are much more concerned about eating every human in sight rather than wondering where all the water went to. And when they do see a large body of water like a chlorine filled pool or a sewer pipe – they can happily survive in there swimming around until their next kill.

Sharks can survive almost anything
I mean, they can already breathe out of water and survive in a chlorine pool but did you know that they can be flung from heavily flowing sewer pipes onto concrete slabs and still survive? Even more impressive is that they can survive a fall from great heights onto the pavement and still manage to work up an appetite to take out whoever is in its path. Despite their toughness, there are ways to kill a shark.

The many ways to kill a shark
Even waitresses without much experience in shark hunting can kill a shark but stabbing a pool cue stick through its head. Even surfers can shoot a shark…that is attacking a helicopter high up in the air…while standing on a ground…with a pistol. Bar stools are incredible powerful tools at protecting yourself from shark attacks. You can fly a helicopter near a tornado to throw a bomb in the centre of without getting sucked in to the tornado.

Sharks can swallow you whole
Sharks have deadly teeth which they use to chomp down on one of your limbs and then shake their heads violently from side to side to rip you up in order to get a bite-sized piece of you. That’s what you learn in school. In Sharknado though, sharks can swallow you whole. And one does swallow you whole, never fear, always keep a chainsaw on your person at all times; you can easily use it to cut your way out of its belly.

Cars can explode without an ignition source
At some point in the movie, the car stops and can’t be started again. Quickly someone notices a fuel leak. Everyone runs. And you guessed it. The car explodes with no ignition source. Also seconds before the actual explosion someone leaps to the ground. And I always thought that happened as a result of the force of the explosion pushing you to the ground.

There’s a nitrous button on a Hummer. And when you use it, police miraculously stop chasing you. I totally want one of those buttons on my Corsa Lite. 

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