10 Things singles are tired of hearing

By 09:13

These articles on things singles are tired of hearing started circulating in my news feeds and I loved reading them! Mostly cos they speak truths. Also being single defined me for most of my life and I still take these comments to heart despite being engaged. So here’s my take on them with comments to my coupled up friends who used to give me the same advice.

1. “You’ll find it when you aren’t looking!”

My response: “Seriously? Just because your man found you when you weren’t looking for him, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to everyone else. “

We want things in all spheres of our lives and we work at making them happen. Why should it be any different in relationships? For most of my life, all I wanted was someone to love me and none of the other successes I achieved. But I also knew a man was not going to knock on the door at my house looking for me.

I went out, tried new things, took up new hobbies – I was hardly ever at home. Did it work? Well I may have never met my fiancé if I didn’t go out one night when a mutual friend invited me. So I found him…when I was looking.

2. “You can’t be happy in a relationship unless you’re happy with yourself first.”

My response: “Really? You have such personal and inter-personal issues and you wanna tell me I’m not happy with myself?”

I agree. If you’re a miserable person and you haven’t “found yourself” you wanna do that first. You really don’t want to impose your issues on another person. That being said, they are many crazy peeps in relationships who haven’t sorted out the being-happy-with-themselves thing first. Most single people know what they want. They aren’t single because they aren’t happy with themselves.

I spent my single days judging my coupled-up friends and I hate to say that I actually learnt about relationships from them. I knew how I didn’t want to treat my man and the unnecessary fights I didn’t want to have. I basically learnt from their mistakes and when I finally got my relationship, I didn’t have to make their mistakes.

3. “You’re still young, you got all the time in the world.”

My response: “Exactly! I want to spend the best parts of my life in a relationship – showering affection and being showered with love.”

We really don’t have all the time in the world. Life is short so why shouldn’t we want a relationship now? Friends say I just needed to be patient because my fiancé was on his way to meet me at the right time. Tell that to my 40 year old single friends who are still waiting for “the right time”.

Did I waste my youth pining over a man I didn’t have? No. I’m actually happy with everything I did before meeting him. It would have been nice doing all those things with him, though.

4. “You deserve someone who wants to give you everything.”

My response: “Of course I do.”

How does this comment even make a single person feel better? It only makes them depressed that they don’t have it.

5. “You’re looking in the wrong places.”

My response: “Grrr!”

Coupled-up people always think single people are single cos they’re doing something wrong. Nope. It’s cos coupled up people got lucky with love and singles haven’t found that luck yet. Single people know how to “look for love”. It’s the first lesson everyone gives them so they try new things, take up new hobbies, broaden their circles of friends and go out more. I know people who’ve found love at work, at university, chilling with friends, at a bar – you can find it anywhere and sometimes you can go to these places and still not find it – it doesn’t mean they didn’t look in the right place.

6. “You should try online dating!”

My response: “Why don’t you try online dating!”

I totally agree with this one. If I didn’t find my fiancé when I did, I would have tried online dating a few months later. It’s a place that’s filled with other single people – they are all looking for someone. It’s not like going to a bar where most of them aren’t trying to find someone. One of my favourite couples met through online dating. They both happen to be awesome people and they are happy.

Awesome people do exist in online dating portals. Yes, there are tons of weirdos on there but there’s no harm in safely trying. There's also a ton of weirdos in real life too.

7. “You’re too picky.”

My response: “OMG! There are women out there with height requirements! All I want is to meet a man and see whether we click.”

I’m a simple girl – I didn’t have a list of requirements. All I wanted was someone who will treat me right and love me unconditionally – was that too much to ask for?

8. “Oh hey, but also, never settle.”

My response: “So tell me more about the parts of your other half you weren’t picky about – you know…the parts you settled for.”

Nuff said.

9. “You need to put yourself out there more.”

My response: “All you did was stand there and look pretty while Mr Right came running to you. What do you even know about putting yourself out there?”

Most coupled up people know nothing about putting themselves out there. I wasn’t afraid of going up to a guy and making conversation, I had so many circles of friends, hell I even had hobbies that interested boys. What more did you want me to do? And how much of putting myself out there have my coupled-up friends ever done?

10. “I’m engaged!”

My response: *blank stare*

Just a few months before meeting my fiancé, I asked the universe to stop with the engagements, weddings and babies. I’m happy for them – I really am. It’s just their happiness made me so reflect on everything I don’t have in my life and depressed me. Take your good news to your coupled-up friends dammit!

In fact, when I got engaged, I took forever to tell my single friends because all I remembered was my single-reaction to other people’s news like that.

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