By 13:00

I tell everyone I meet to make babies because being pregnant is a scary world to be in and I’m alone in this new world. Whenever people ask me about my pregnancy, I’m excited to unload my emotional burdens. When I see their expressions and hear how the rest of the conversations go, I realise again that I’m alone.

No one seems to understand what I’m going through and no one wants to hear about it. I live in an adult world with very few of these adults that have (or will ever) venture into family building phase. Although they cannot relate to me, people without children are probably the best to speak to because we can laugh and joke about the unknown things about to come and they sympathise with what I’m going through. But they go back into their child free world and expect me to move on too.

It’s the people with kids that invalidate my feelings. They think I make up that everyone seems to have perfect pregnancies but it definitely feels that way to me. No one complained during their pregnancies and all they ever did when they had their bumps was glow and giggle about fun times and exciting things to come. All the bad stuff I experience is brushed aside with “it’ll get better” or met with the one-up-man-ship of “at least it’s not as bad as it could be”. It seems that they went through it with no hassles and smiles on their faces so maybe they can’t relate to what I’m going through, maybe I am a wuss and maybe my experiences are just different from theirs but I don’t feel any better speaking to them as excited as they may be for me. 

So yes, when I’m lying lifeless in front of the toilet bowl well into my second trimester and when I’m curled-up in bed because I can feel my slow digestive system painfully struggle to process, I realise I am all alone.

Maybe when things get better and I can excitedly talk about my pregnancy the way everyone else does and the way they want me to, maybe then I’ll feel that everyone who wants to rub my tummy is an ally. But for now, when I need support the most, it saddens me that no one cares about my experiences unless it’s packaged in a way that is appealing to them. 

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